


Air of Night

by sonofaladiesman



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: 8o's high school au, AU, F/F, F/M, High School AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 21,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofaladiesman/pseuds/sonofaladiesman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Um...so I was listening to In the Air of Night by Phil Collins and I had an idea for an 80's Star Trek high school au. So. I did it. It's pretty intense. I don't even know if it's good at all, but I felt the need to write it, so maybe someone will feel the need to read it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. introduction: Dancing With Myself

She sees her son from the upper window, and there is a long pause between him vanishing onto the closed-in porch and the sound of the front door creaking open. She imagines him standing there, calmly trying to forget his day. She knows how his day has gone—she remembers when he was young enough that she counseled children who had come to her for guidance, kids that had felt as though they didn’t have any friends. All of them, unknowing, had said they were glad they were at least more popular than Spock. That was bad enough, but the worst was that she knew. She knew what they called him, what awaited him at school each day, and she saw him becoming ever more withdrawn, internalizing all the anger. His father would have known what to do. His father was exactly like him; quiet, withdrawn, deeply emotional yet unable to show it—she wasn’t sure if it was merely a quirk of personality or something deeper (maybe something genetic?) but she didn’t know what to do about it. All she could do was raise her son to work hard in school and to be a good man and to try—fruitless as it was in the beginning—to make friends when he got to high school.

…

_but your empty eyes seem to pass me by, leave me dancing with myself_

…


	2. Heartbreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...here's the real first chapter. Also, please excuse (or enjoy?) the 80's song quotes between each POV change. I'm a lazy writer and use crutches to change POV instead of working harder.

He hates most of his grade. Honestly, there are probably two people who actually know him that he even vaguely likes. Christine is okay; she’s completely in love with him, which is awkward and obvious, but he’s long since gotten over the need to point it out. When they were younger, he used to ask her why she was still interested after he repeatedly told her that he absolutely _wasn’t_. She is probably his closest friend, and it’s awkward, because she’s only his friend because she’s in love with him, and she’s only in love with him because she’s got some Molly Ringwald idea of herself where she’s going to date him and somehow magically make him normal. That is, frankly, a bit upsetting, but he tries not to think about it. Instead of telling his mother about his day or going to his room or going outside, he starts on his AP Calculus homework. Out behind their property is an old garage. Once he went to ValueVillage and bought a thoroughly hideous end table, took it out behind the garage, and completely destroyed it.

            Afterwards he was embarrassed and angrier than before. So now instead of venting his frustration on innocent furniture, he goes outside, sits facing the field, and doesn’t think about anything. Well, he _thinks_ , but not about school, or the possibility that he might not ever be able to make friends like a normal person, or the fact that the simplest comment on his part is usually taken as an insult. He thinks about cell division, and exponents, and Planck’s constant. He thinks about logical, factual parts of life. But today he doesn’t feel the need to close off from the outside world and work through equations and facts in his head, because he is undergoing anxiety and euphoria at the same time, and he’s not sure which feeling is strongest, but he doesn’t like either of them. He doesn’t go out to try to squash those feelings because he knows that while part of his brain tries to calculate atomic mass, the other part will be running over every word said, every smile, every song playing on the radio.

…

_you’re the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy_

_the invincible winner and you know that you were born to be_

…


	3. Take Me Home Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, in the last chapter, Spock hates everything but something interesting has happened recently. Because this is a Kirk/Spock fic, obviously that something had everything to do with Jim. Here it is. These chapters are very short. Sorry.

Jim isn’t used to feeling so weird about talking to people. Usually he’s completely confident, but after the Great Catastrophe of last year, he hasn’t actually been able to hang out with a guy his age in a normal, not-at-all-charged-with-awkward context. He pulls up to the curb and parks the Camaro, glancing subconsciously at the seat next to him. He flushes a little as he remembers.

…

“Aren’t you in my English class?” He slowed down to a crawl, matching the other boy’s walking pace. Jim remembered his name…something weird, like…Spock? Yeah. It was Spock.

            “Yes.” He kept walking, glancing at Jim warily every now and then, as if wondering why he was still there.

            “Spock, right?”

            “Yes,” the taller boy answered, stopping. Jim braked quickly. “You’re new.”

            “I am.” Jim smirked. “My name’s Jim Kirk.” Spock nodded, giving Jim that look again, with one eyebrow raised. Jim wondered how in the Hell he did that. Could _his_ eyebrows do that? He was pretty sure they couldn’t…at home he’d try doing that in the mirror. Then Jim realized Spock had kept on walking and just pulled up to roll along beside him.

            “Why are you still following me?” Spock asked, stopping again. Jim pulled up to the curb.

            “I saw you walking to school this morning. Your house is, like, way out there.”

            “Yes. I suppose it is. However, that is not—”

            “Do you really walk to school every day?” Jim asked. Spock gave him the look again. Jim blushed a bit. “Look, I meant to ask you if you wanted a ride. My house is just a couple blocks past yours.” Spock eyed him with that same wariness Jim knew so well, and for a second Jim thought _he knows_ , and panicked, but then he pretended he didn’t think that and kept his smile in place.

            “I like walking.”

            “You’re saying that, but the expression on your face this morning said otherwise,” Kirk replied, opening the side door. “I promise I’ll drop you off at the end of the block so your parents won’t see that you take rides from strangers.” He was trying really hard to be friendly, but Spock didn’t seem all too receptive. He got in, though, which was a plus.

            “Thanks,” he said, like he was questioning the morals behind Jim’s offer.

            “I noticed you’re friends with Christine Chapel,” Jim offered, putting the car back in drive, trying to make conversation. He really _did_ want to get to know Spock, if not because Spock was gorgeous then because he reminded Jim of how Jim was last year. Jim didn’t like that, because he felt like no one should have to go through what Jim went through.

            “We’re... Yes.” Spock shifted uncomfortably.

            “So you must be in a lot of the science-y classes. Do you know Bones?” At that, Spock sat up straighter.

            “Not well,” he said carefully.

            “Yeah, he’s kind of a horrible person,” Jim chuckled. Spock looked confused. “I’ve known him since grade school,” Jim explained. “He can be a little difficult to deal with at times. I noticed that he doesn’t seem to agree with you on most things.”

            “So you heard about the Bioethics debate incident,” Spock sighed, resigned.

“I believe he used the phrase “hates kittens, happiness, and sunshine” to describe you once,” Jim admitted. “Personally, I’m totally with you on the whole utilitarian thing, but Bones is all about saving everyone and I’m pretty sure he equates “the needs of the many” with “let’s do this for Mother Russia.” I think he just didn’t get what you were trying to say.”

“That happens a lot,” Spock muttered. Jim glanced at him curiously before setting his eyes back on the road just in time to hit the brakes at the one traffic light in town.

“What? Bones being weird?”

“People ‘don’t get’ me.” Jim was starting to think that Spock was actually pretty awesome and mysterious. However, he just steered himself away from that train of thought and brought up English instead.

“I don’t know what they don’t get. Speaking of not getting things, how is the rest of our class so clueless about how awesome _The Great Gatsby_ is? I mean, they don’t even _like_ the book. That’s just dumb.”

“Almost as dumb as thinking it’s nothing but a love story when it can easily be interpreted as _so much more_ ,” Spock added, looking frustrated. Jim asked him about whether he thought the book was about race, and listened to him for the rest of the ride.

He let Spock out a short distance away from his house, as promised. After Spock got out, he paused.

“Thanks…” he said finally, almost shyly. “Jim.” Jim’s smile was radiant.

“Any time. Hey, I pass by your house anyway, so do you want to do this tomorrow morning? I’ll drive, you can explain how the hell Daisy is supposed to be capitalism.”

“Sure,” Spock replied, with slight hesitation.

“See you around seven, then,” Jim said with a grin.

…

_I need some company, a guardian angel_

…


	4. New Religion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...Jim thinks Spock is pretty cool. I don't really know what else to say.

Len “Bones” McCoy says “Oh my God, Jim, why did you bring _that_ to lunch?” and Spock stiffens. Bones does not like him, he knows that; but he’s never been openly insulting before. Then Jim turns around and Spock sees the girl in the over-large red sweater standing and blushing a few feet behind them.

            “Come on, Bones, Janice is awesome,” Jim says, taking his backpack from her. _Does Jim really have a freshman carry his books for him?_ Spock thinks, a hint of worry creeping across his thoughts.

            “She’s a freshman,” Bones states flatly, before nodding permissively at Spock and actually _pulling out a chair_. Spock sits, but he is extremely uncomfortable.

            “She’s my neighbor,” Jim shoots back.

            “ _She’s_ in higher English classes than you will ever be in,” the girl grumbles. She takes a seat as if Bones’ opinion doesn't matter, even though Bones is the captain of the football team, and is considered to be one of the most popular boys at their school. Spock is already starting to like her. Seeing his appreciative glance, Jim winks at Spock across the table, which is also somewhat unnerving. Even more so is…

            “So we’re sitting with Spock now. That’s new.” Spock feels his posture grow infinitesimally more rigid as Nyota Uhura pulls up a chair next to Bones and glances at the rest of the table speculatively. “Mr. James-T.-Perfect Hair, I presume.”

            “They’re saying it’s perfect?” Jim gives a very unconvincing gasp and raises his hand to his hair in faux awe.

            “They are. They’re saying lots of things.” Then her dark eyes turn to him and Spock tries hard not to frown. He’s heard a lot about Nyota Uhura; the best player on the girl’s soccer team, one of the prettiest girls in school, rumored to be one of the meanest. He’s never encountered her before, but he’s heard stories. She seems to be about to speak when Christine practically collapses into the seat next to her.

            “Spock! I was wondering where you…oh.” Suddenly Christine is blushing furiously.

            “Christine, that is an adorable skirt,” Nyota says, looking over the other girl’s outfit with an appraising, yet appreciative look.

            “Um. Thanks. Nyota.” Christine blinks a lot more than usual, and Spock looks at the two girls in confusion. He’s a little confused about how Christine is so surprised that Nyota knows her name, when she has described her repeatedly to Spock as ‘the queen of school and basically life’. They immediately start talking about shopping, and Spock tunes out of their conversation. He checks out Jim’s reaction and sees that he has donned the most evil grin Spock has ever seen.

            “So,” Bones grumbles to Spock, gesturing at the girls with his spoon, “I’m assuming neither of us has any idea what that’s about.”

            “I am a bit confused,” Spock admits. Bones looks shocked.

            “You talked,” he sputters.

            “I do, in fact, speak outside of the classroom,” Spock points out. “It would be impossible not to do so.”

            “Jesus, that’s some fancy grammar,” Bones replies, looking less surprised and more intrigued. “Hey, aren’t you on the soccer team?”

            “Yes,” Spock admits, looking at Jim every so often, hoping for some hints about how to act when around people that aren’t as oblivious to Spock’s other-ness. Unfortunately, at the moment he is engaged in rapid conversation with Janice about how one should formulate a thesis.

He thinks back to that morning…Jim had picked him up at seven, as he said. Spock hadn’t really expected him to be serious, so he had started walking when Jim pulled up beside him.

            “Hey, I just have to say, you could keep walking on this cold, misty September morning, or you could sit in this toasty warm car and have a bracing conversation,” Jim had called. Spock had taken his offer, still unsure why someone was actually trying to be friendly. Then, during English, he’d complained about vocabulary words and asked Spock if he wanted to sit together at lunch to figure them out. Spock really wasn’t sure what _he_ was getting out of the situation, but Jim was strangely fascinating, and Spock didn’t mind that he was only pretending not to know what “brusque” meant.

            Suddenly he awakes from his reverie to an insistent kick to his shins. He glares at Christine, knowing exactly who would dare to do such a thing.

            “I was asking you if you were planning on actually _going_ to homecoming this year,” she grumbles. “Since you haven’t gone. Ever. Also we’ll be seniors next year, and then we’ll be too cool to go.”

            “You’re already too cool to go,” Nyota says disdainfully. “It’s not all it’s chalked up to be, really. I always get asked by someone annoying and then I have to go get a new fancy dress and then I have to act like I love formals and slow dancing. It sucks.”

            “I’d like to go _once_ ,” Christine mutters.

            “I’ll take you,” Nyota replies, putting an arm around the other girl. “Spock would look weird in a tie, anyway.”

            “He would _not_ ,” Jim gasps, looking at Spock in outrage. “ _You would so not_ ,” he says urgently.

            “Or you could, I don’t know, ask someone yourself instead of waiting around,” Janice says quietly, adjusting her scrunchie pointedly.

            “Waiting around,” Bones says loudly. “Yeah, it’s so dumb when girls wait around for guys to like them. Especially when they’re really not the guy’s type and they totally know that.”

            “Shut up,” Janice hisses, obviously kicking him under the table. “You don’t know my _life_.”

            “This is just thrilling, guys, but again, _Homecoming_ ,” Christine interrupts. Suddenly she’s friends with Nyota Uhura, and Spock wonders if that’s as weird for her as it is for him to be sitting next to Bones. She’s about to make the same case for going to Homecoming as she does every year, and Spock is about to turn her down again, because they can’t go to a dance as friends if Christine wants it to be something more. Also because he can’t… _doesn’t_ …dance. Then…

            “Dibs on Spock,” Nyota says suddenly. Christine glances at her sharply, but the other girl is looking at him like it’s a challenge. Spock just stares.

            “I…” Spock doesn’t know exactly what to say, so he resorts to his usual facial expression of slight disdain and interest.

            “What? Can’t a girl ask a guy to Homecoming? It’s not like it’s a big deal. Besides, you’re cute,” she says unabashedly. “Don’t wear a tie, though.”

            “I…?” Spock looks at Jim pleadingly.

            “Oh, what _ever_ ,” Christine growls, sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest. “Who even _cares._ ” _Help,_ Spock says with his eyes, looking from Jim to Bones and then back in horror.

            “Isn’t it not for two weeks, anyway?” Bones asks, rolling his eyes. “I hate those things. There’s so much drama.”

            “I’ve already been asked,” Janice says primly, straightening her flashcards.

            “By a _boy_?” Jim gasps, pretending to faint.

            “ _No, by a six foot tall battle lizard_ ,” Janice growls. “His name is Pavel.”

            “The lizard?”

            “Obviously,” she replies. “He was new last year. His parents are, like, refugees or something. He’s actually really sweet. I think he’s in your physics class,” she says, looking at Spock.

            “This is all highly illogical,” Spock says quietly to himself. He’s just started making actual friends, and now Christine and Nyota are glaring at each other very intently while Jim is simultaneously teasing Janice about her love life while trying to throw tiny bits of paper at Bones, who is half asleep and staring at the clock.

            “When does class start?” Bones says suddenly, straightening up. “I think I have Bio homework.”

            “Nooooo,” Jim groans. “Don’t _do_ this to me. Lunch just _started_ , Bones!”

            “That reminds me. You didn’t eat anything. Go get yourself a salad or I’ll start talking about kidneys again.”

            “Not the nephron! Anything but the nephron!” Jim cries dramatically, heaving himself out of his seat and stumbling towards the lunch line. Spock finds himself more confused than ever.

            “He hates the excretory system,” Bones explains. Nyota frowns prettily.

            “Don’t we all,” she comments, grimacing.

            “I think it’s _fascinating_ ,” Christine grumbles.

            “Nerd,” Nyota says accusingly, and they glare at each other again. “Don’t we have English now?”

            “ _Yes_ ,” Christine growls. “Do you want to go find seats.” It’s a demand, not a question. Spock is very confused. They leave, walking almost in tandem.

            “That’s so fucking cute,” Jim whispers as soon as they’re out of earshot. “I’m, like, dying.”

            “What are you _talking_ about?” Bones asks incredulously. “They seem like they _hate_ each other. I’m actually worried there’s going to be a war.”

            “I, too, am a little concerned,” Spock says quietly.

            “You guys are dumb,” Jim scoffs. “It’s adorable. They’re going to be best friends.”

            “This isn’t some sort of sitcom,” Janice warns, picking up her precalculus textbook. “Girls don’t just… _become friends_ , just because they’re _girls_.” She let out an irate sigh and headed pointedly to the nearest table full of freshmen.

…

_call it treason, maybe catch her_

…


	5. Time After Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repeat the previous chapter summary but with 'Nyota' in place of 'Jim' and 'Christine' in place of Spock. I'm bad at summaries.

Christine is awakened from the world of F. Scott Fitzgerald by a pencil gently poking her in the back. She sits up in fury, turning around to face the girl behind her.

            “What the hell was that for?” she hisses, hoping her teacher won’t call her out.

            “You didn’t really think I wanted to take Spock to Homecoming, did you?” Nyota looks mildly amused. “You knew that was a joke, right?” Christine blushes.

            “ _He_ didn’t think it was a joke,” she mumbles. “You can’t do stuff like that with him. It was too deadpan. He has no idea.”

            “And he didn’t say yes,” Nyota replies. “Which means you have no reason to be upset.” Christine frowns.

            “I’m not upset,” she says tersely.

            “Good,” Nyota says cheerfully. “We should hang out today. I still don’t have my Homecoming dress. Do you need one?”

            “I…but no one’s asked me,” Christine sputters, just as the bell rings for the end of class. As she’s standing up and getting her things, Nyota—who has miraculously already gotten all her papers in order and pushes her way to the front of the classroom—waits. They walk out together.

            “You don’t need a guy to go,” Nyota says firmly, giving Christine a stern look. “Going stag is nothing to be ashamed of.”

            “… _if_ you’ve got girlfriends to go with you,” Christine adds. “Which I don’t. I’ve got Spock, and on good days, Bones. And neither of them wants to go with me.”

            “ _I’ll_ be your girlfriend,” Nyota says with a smirk.

            “You’ll have a date,” Christine grumbles. “And I hate to say this and make things awkward, but you haven’t talked to me before today.”

            “That’s not true,” Nyota blusters. “There was the time in sophomore year when I asked to borrow your pen. And the time at the dance when I stepped on your foot. And that one time when we had lockers next to each other in PE and you needed a tampon. And the time—”

            “OH MY GOD.” Christine rolls her eyes. “Stop trying to act like we’re suddenly friends just because Jim Kirk brings freshmen and social outcasts to your lunch table. You don’t have to act like you like me. Honestly, it’ll be easier for both of us if you do.” Nyota gives her a look that tells her she’s not going to give up easily before she vanishes down the hall to the math classrooms.

…

_lying in my bed I hear the clock tick, and think of you_

…


	6. Dance With Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the fabulous and wonderful Chekov and Sulu! Hooray!

“Gentlemen.” Spock is not really sure what is going on, but Bones has his arms slung around the shoulders of two very terrified looking kids in letterman jackets. He has been sitting with Jim in front of the school, waiting for Christine to get out of class so Spock can walk her to her bus stop. He always does. “I’d like to introduce you to our new favorite sophomores.”

            “Hello,” Spock says finally, because he has a feeling Bones won’t stop beaming so disturbingly until he does something.

            “This is Pavel Chekov, Janice’s date to Homecoming and possible Russian spy. And this is Hikaru Sulu. He is, apparently, very good with a baseball bat.” For a moment Spock thinks that this has something to do with bullying, but Jim is with him, and he’s pretty sure Jim wouldn’t be involved in that sort of thing. He hopes.

            “Why are you bothering the underclassmen?” Jim asks, curious.

            “Oh, I’m not bothering them,” Bones says, beaming even more. It’s starting to hurt Spock’s face just to look at him. “I’m just having a delightful chat with them about appropriate locations for baseball practice. The parking lot is not one of them, as they have just learned.”

            “We would _never_ —” the taller one starts indignantly before Bones cuts him off with another frighteningly honest-looking grin.

            “I think I may have just found you some new recruits for that play you were freaking out about,” he says, pushing them lightly towards Jim. “Their declarations of innocence in the face of insurmountable evidence were very convincing. I’m going to go tell Principal Pike that he might want to check on his car.”

            “You _didn’t_ ,” Jim gasps, his eyes lighting up. “Okay, that’s kind of hilarious, but…” Bones stops him with a shushing gesture. The two sophomores look absolutely miserable.

            “If I _don’t_ talk to Pike, and they have no detentions…why, they might just have extra time on their hands. Time that could be spent painting sets, or rigging lights, or whatever it is you people do.”

            “But—” the pale, curly-haired one that Spock assumes is Chekov starts to object.

            “—Signup sheets are in the hall by the auditorium,” Bones says threateningly. The two younger students disappear as soon as he takes his hands off their shoulders. Grinning, he watches them go, and then turns back to face Jim and Spock. “I love underclassmen,” he says delightedly, shouldering his backpack and striding off towards his car.

            “I told you he was a terrible person,” Jim says in awe. “Great and terrible.”

            “I am inclined to agree,” Spock admits. “That was…impressive, if worrying.” He hears Christine’s voice and looks up to see her walking out with Nyota.

            “Spock! Just the person I wanted to see.” Nyota grins. “Apparently our Homecoming date is off. Sorry, but you’ve made other plans.”

            “I have?” Spock says, confused. “I had assumed you were...you weren’t joking?”

            “I told you,” Nyota growls to Christine. “I _totally_ told you.”

            “Whatever. Anyway, you’re going to Homecoming. ‘Cause you have to. And we’re going. Like, you and me. As friends. Don’t be weird about it. See you tomorrow.” Christine says all this very rapidly and with a slightly panicked look in her eye, and then she walks very quickly to Nyota’s car.

            “You have a nice day,” Nyota purrs, hurrying to catch up with her.

…

_still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away_

…


	7. Head Over Heels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S NOT A DATE. But it is. It totally is.

The ride home is…interesting. They listen to the radio in silence for most of it.

            “So. Christine likes you a lot.” Jim is frowning a bit at the road. “But you don’t seem all that…into it.”

            “I’m not,” Spock replies. “She knows that, but it seems to have no effect on her idea of someday having some sort of…”

            “Thing?” Jim suggests. Spock shrugs. “That’s…weird.”

            “It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.”

            “Well, I’m glad her and Nyota are hanging out. She seems pretty level-headed.” Jim stops in front of Spock’s house. “Hey, are you doing anything on Friday? Like after school? There’s a football game, and Bones wants me to be there, but we’re playing my old school and…I don’t really like most of those people, and they really don’t like me, so…” Spock watches Jim blush and hides his surprise. He can’t believe that _Jim_ has difficulty attending social events alone. That just seems so…not him.

            “I don’t have any other plans for Friday,” Spock offers finally, silently adding _I never have plans_. “I don’t really know anything about football, though.” Jim suddenly relaxes, and Spock realizes that he was actually holding his breath.

            “Okay,” he sighs, relieved. “I’ll, um…it’s at…I…”

            “We can find out the exact timing tomorrow,” Spock says, hiding his urge to smirk. He’s known Jim for two days, and already they’ve been exchanging expressions. Jim, unbeknownst to Spock, has been trying to do ‘the eyebrow thing’ for days, and Spock finds himself almost smiling at things that Jim would have found funny. It’s…unnerving.

…

_I wanted to be with you alone, and talk about the weather_

…


	8. Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secret 80's star lesbians. That's all I'm going to say. ALSO, THAT WHOLE IDEA I HAD OF EVERY CHAPTER TITLE BEING AN 80'S SONG. IT'S STARTING TO GET AWKWARD.

Christine stands in front of the mirror, admiring her reflection. The dress is just casual enough for homecoming—not exactly informal, but nothing like a prom dress.

            “That color looks _amazing_ on you,” Nyota says from where she’s already putting the dress she picked back on the hanger. “And it’s not super expensive. Personally, I love it, but what are you thinking?”  
            “I don’t know,” Christine says quietly, unsure. “Is it…are you sure it looks good? Will guys think it looks good? Are these sleeves okay?”

            “It looks good,” Nyota says seriously. “Uncomfortably so.”

            “It looks uncomfortable?” Christine looks over her shoulder, confused.

            “No, it’s just…” Nyota frowns. “You’re actually really pretty.” Christine blushes and goes back into the changing room to get back into her regular clothes. Then, a few seconds later, she peeks her head through the curtains.

            “Thanks,” she mumbles. “You’re pretty cute, too.”

…

_the 'inferior' sex has got a new exterior_

...


	9. Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...now we're going to learn a bit more about The Great Catastrophe of sophomore year. Also, Jim's dad is alive! HAHAHA YESSSSSSS STABLE PARENTING SITUATION but his dad is still in the Navy or something. I'd put more detail about that, but I don't know enough about it, and I respect anyone who serves our country too much to try to write about what it must be like to have a parent in some branch of the military.

It’s just a football game, but Jim’s already nervous by the time he gets to Spock’s house.

            “So,” he says, as Spock shuts the door and they start rolling. “Football.” Spock just looks at him.

            “Is there a reason for you to be nervous? You are not the one playing.”

            “Nope, no reason at all,” Jim says with a pained expression. “Absolutely no reason.” Spock just gives him that look again and Jim stops, putting the car in park. “Okay, maybe there’s a reason. So…at my old school…there were some rumors going around. About me. Being. Well. You know.”

            “I do not,” Spock replies.

            “…well they weren’t—um—well whatever anyone says at the game, if someone from my old school talks to you, just don’t listen to them.”

            “Why did you leave your old school?” Spock asks, giving him that serious eyebrow face again. Jim takes a deep breath and turns off the radio.

            “Okay. So. These rumors were happening. And things weren’t really going well for me—socially and just in general—because of those rumors, and I was getting in fights, so my mom decided to move us away from my dad’s base so I could go to a different school where they didn’t know about…the…things they were saying.” Spock looks at him for a moment, and then nods.

            “I understand if you don’t want to tell me exactly what those rumors entailed.” Jim winces.

            “Well…now that I’ve started…better you hear it from me than from someone at the game. The rumors were about me…well, being not exactly completely into girls.”

            “Oh.” Spock ponders for a few minutes. “That’s… Oh.”

            “It’s not like I’m some sort of sexual deviant,” Jim mumbles. “I mean, like, they’re not all the way _true_ , even—”

            “I understand,” Spock interrupts.

            “Mph.” Jim grumbles uncomfortably about ‘not being Elton John or anything, more like Mick Jagger really,’ and pulls away from the curb again.

…

_there’s a heart that’s breaking down this long-distance line tonight_

…


	10. Turn to Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. The football game happens. It's...informative??? Stuff happens.

“I didn’t know Janice was in Cheer,” Christine comments, huddling closer to Spock as they sit on the bleachers. She’s starting to regret giving up a warm jacket for the chance to look adorable in her new sweater. Then Nyota, cheeks still flushed from soccer practice, still wearing her jersey, tosses her shearling jean jacket over Christine’s shoulders. Christine scowls but takes it, leaning closer to the other girl to share her reluctantly accepted offering.

            “She’s on the cheer squad, in Chess Club, in AP Bio, and she’s probably going to Harvard someday,” Jim mumbled, still feeling somewhat awkward from his earlier conversation. On one side of him, Spock is sitting, wishing he could do something to let Jim know he’s not upset or confused or… He knows that if Jim were in his place, he’d elbow Spock in the side and give him that “everything is fine” smirk, but Spock’s worried that if he tries that he’ll just frighten and confuse everyone within a ten foot radius. On Jim’s other side, Chekov and Sulu are cheering wildly, regardless of the fact that the game hasn’t started yet. The two sophomores had taken to following Jim around, and when Spock had gone to sign up for backstage crew for the play, their names were on the list. Perhaps it was their fear of Bones that made them look up to Jim like a guardian angel; however, Spock was far more inclined to think that Jim just had a very heroic air that made people want to help him.

            “Oh my god, is that Jim Kirk?” Spock hears, and he turns to see two girls in the ‘Away’ section of the bleachers, staring in their direction. He bristles. Unfortunately, neither of them seem to notice, and continue a hushed and hurried conversation, punctuated with brief exclamations of “he did _not_ ” and glances at Jim.

            “I do not want to be here,” Jim grumbles to himself. Spock looks at him in what he hopes is a sympathetic way.

            “I can think of many other activities that would be far more intellectually stimulating, if you would like to leave and do something else,” he offers. “Like chess. Or…math homework.”

            “Ha,” Jim says dryly. Then Nyota leans over and taps his shoulder.

            “So, there are a couple of guys from the other school saying you made out with a chemistry teacher at their school and got him fired. Isn’t that the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard?” Nyota looks almost angry, like she’s not sure whether to laugh or be upset. “Why would they be saying something like that?”

            “Oh God,” Jim groans, collapsing dramatically against Spock’s shoulder. Spock, though alarmed by the sudden physical contact, doesn’t react at all other than to give Nyota a panicked glance.

            “Well, shit,” Nyota blusters. “Do you need me to beat them up for you or something?”

            “IT’S NOT _TRUE_ ,” Jim growls. “IT’S PARTIALLY SLIGHTLY ACCURATE.”

            “Um,” Christine stares in shock, “so…did you?”

            “Not exactly...”

            “HOW FASCINATING, THEY APPEAR TO BE DOING SOMETHING WITH THE BALL. NOW THE PEOPLE IN RED HAVE IT. NOW THE PEOPLE IN BLUE HAVE IT, THAT’S A NEW DEVELOPMENT—” Spock interjects loudly, putting his hand on Jim’s arm and gesticulating wildly. Nyota and Christine reluctantly turn back to the game, which has just started. Spock looks back at Jim to see him staring, wide eyed, at Spock’s hand on his arm. Hoping he’s not blushing, Spock withdraws.

            “It’s not like liking guys is a big deal anyway,” Sulu confides, nudging Jim. “Bryan Andrews, you know, the senior? He’s gay as hell, and it’s not like people bother him about it or anything. Like, he’s not _open_ about it, but we all _know_.”

            “Knowing and seeing are two very different things,” Jim says quietly.

            “Whoa, so people _saw_ you making out with your chemistry teacher?”

            “I WAS NOT MAKING OUT WITH HIM.”

            “LOOK, NOW THEY’RE KICKING THE BALL AT THAT LARGE METAL OBJECT,” Spock interrupts, sort of smacking at Jim’s shoulder in an attempt to distract him.

            “Spock, you really need to work on that, it’s not at all helpful,” Jim grumbles, “and don’t try to pretend you don’t know what the goal post is.”

            “On the contrary, I was not pretending; I was merely describing it, rather than using its common name.” Spock smirks.

            “You’re terrible,” Jim says with a frown. He looks over at Chekov and Sulu, who are still in their baseball letterman jackets. “Do you two ever take those off?”

            “Are you kidding? We made it onto varsity as _freshmen_. We’re wearing them to our _weddings_.” Chekov replies, hugging his jacket closer. Suddenly a dark shadow falls over them, and Jim just looks up and glares at the boy now standing in front of them.

            “You’re looking lovely today,” the newcomer says, with a hint of mocking in his voice.

            “And you look like you’re in my way. I’m trying to watch my team kick your team’s ass, if you don’t mind,” Jim says primly, but Spock can see his knuckles whiten from gripping the edge of the bleachers.

            The boy opens his mouth to speak, but then Nyota stands up, leans close to him, and says, “If you want to meet our entire football team in the parking lot later, by all means, keep on talking,” and he walks quickly back to his seat near the girls that were talking about Jim earlier.

            “What did you just say?” Christine asks, wide-eyed.

            “Nothing,” she replies sweetly, and Spock watches as Jim gives her a very meaningful look. He’s not sure what it means, but Nyota just smiles and waves at him dismissively.

            “Oh, look,” Jim said, pointing down at the field. “As Spock would say, ‘Something is happening with the ball,’ and I think it means we’re winning.”

 

…

_the city streets are empty now, the lights don’t shine no more_

…


	11. Don't You Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, that football game was...an awkward time. For everyone. Jim almost makes bad leadership decisions. Mailboxes are destroyed. This is actually the moment I was thinking of when I heard the song that inspired this fic. Also slightly protective Spock! YESSS  
> also, in the next chapter, GIRL CRUSHES  
> get excited

They’re riding down the street in the good part of town, the suburbs, and Sulu’s hanging out the rear window with a baseball bat.

“This is illogically destructive and unwarranted,” Spock grumbles, gripping the side of his seat. They swerve to hit another mailbox and his hand flies to Jim’s arm, fingers clenched around his shoulder through the denim jacket. Jim gives him a wide-eyed innocent look.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says in shock. “Destructive? It’s performance art,” he insists. This is the first time that Spock has ever seen him drive recklessly—and it is making him incredibly uneasy. He’s grown used to being worried about Jim, being worried by Jim, but this is new.

“There it is,” Chekov calls out, pointing at the deserted-looking building up ahead. “It’s totally abandoned. It’s awesome.”

“And thus, the voyage ends,” Jim says, screeching to a halt. Spock follows them reluctantly, keeping an eye out for anyone in the nearby neighborhood who might have woken to the sound of their midnight mailbox raid. The game had ended in an all-out fistfight between Bones and a few of the guys on the other team, which had started when someone called Jim his girlfriend. Spock had watched, almost wanting to intervene, but Jim had flung an arm across his chest and glared at him so fiercely that he hadn’t dared. Spock had wanted to tell him he would have just tried to stop the fight--it wasn’t like he was about to join—but then he realized he wasn’t exactly sure what he would do once he got to the fighting. Admittedly, there wasn’t much that seemed fitting other than attacking the one boy who was spitting slurs faster than Spock could think, but…

They had dropped Bones off at home. His parents had actually seemed fairly proud, if a bit worried. He was mostly fine, with ‘just a few bruises and lacerations, nothing serious’, as he’d said.

Then Jim had asked if any of them wanted to do something, and Chekov had mentioned the abandoned house near what had once been a strawberry field, and Jim had decided that they had to go. First, they’d gone to his house to pick up flashlights, and on the way back they’d visited their wrath upon many an innocent trash can and mail box. Now, as they walked up the front steps, Spock was wishing they were somewhere less dangerous.

“I highly doubt the legality of what you are about to do,” Spock says quietly, seeing Jim take Sulu’s bat.

“I highly doubt your ability to have fun,” Jim shoots back, before testing the door. Finding it locked—or perhaps warped to the frame—he swings at the doorknob. The force of the metal doorknob against the rotten wood knocks the entire locking mechanism off into the dark of the house, and the door swings inward.

“Cool,” Chekov says, shining his flashlight on the dark wood floors. “I bet it’s haunted.”

“This house looks to have been built in the arts and crafts style, which would make it sixty years old at the latest,” Spock says disdainfully.

“In other words, this house is about as haunted as your grandma,” Jim adds, elbowing Chekov in the side. “Wonder if these stairs are safe?” He starts toward the staircase.

“Wait,” Spock says urgently, throwing out an arm to stop him. Jim glares. “The lightest person should test them,” Spock says finally, as an excuse. He’s a bit embarrassed, actually. He has no idea why it was so important that Jim didn’t try the stairs first. They all look towards Chekov, who blushes and grumbles, but when he tests his weight on the stairs they creak far too ominously for Spock’s taste. They hold, though, and when he comes back down Jim looks at Spock expectantly.

“Well?” he inquires, trying and failing to imitate Spock’s signature expression.

“No,” Spock growls, giving him an annoyed look. “Absolutely not.” Jim sighs and grumbles something about ‘not being his fucking mom,’ but he doesn’t try to go up the stairs again. Instead they all troop to the kitchen, where they find a broken refrigerator that looks like it’s thirty years old and an equally dilapidated table. The table was probably painted once, but now it just looks like it’s made of rust.

“This place is awesome,” Sulu says, pulling out a bottle of something amber-colored and suspicious.

“How did you get that?” Chekov asks, staring.

“The magic of stage makeup,” he replies. “Since we have to figure out how to use it, I figured we could at least make it interesting. When you have a full beard, they don’t usually ask for ID.”

“I strongly disapprove of every single thing you have done tonight,” Spock says quietly, pulling Jim into the pantry. “In your volatile emotional state, consumption of alcohol is not—”

“Volatile? Excuse me? And who said I was consuming any—look, Spock, I get that you’re not into the whole ‘having an actual life’ thing, but you could at least not look down on me for it.” Spock almost feels terrible. He almost feels like he’s done it again, he’s been too serious, he’s done something that will mean he’ll never really fit in with anyone. Almost. Instead, he gets angry.

“Though I could easily ‘look down on you’ from both a moral and physical perspective, I am inclined to think that your statement has less to do with me and more to do with seeing your former classmates. You have been acting particularly reckless ever since the game. Though I admit that I have not known you long enough to make a fully accurate judgment on the matter, this does not seem like…you.” Spock’s pretty sure he’s said too much, but he just keeps going. “I have no idea why you even brought me in the first place,” Spock insists, looking away. “Or why you even talk to me. Obviously we do not—”

“Just stop,” Jim growls. “You’re right, okay? You don’t need to be a dick about it.”

“I am not ‘being a’… What?”

“Just shut up,” Jim mutters. “And you know why I talk to you.” He pushes past Spock and stomps back into the kitchen, where Sulu and Chekov are having a hushed conversation about whether Chekov would look okay with a mustache.

…

_I picked you out, I shook you up_

_and turned you into someone new_

_…_


	12. Maneater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LADY CRUSHES. Also Nyota thinks Spock is annoying.

 Nyota is just coming to terms with the fact that Christine is infuriating. Mind-numbingly so. Not only is she extremely, annoyingly cute, but Nyota’s not even—like—she’s not _gay_ , or anything, Christine just looks…like…James Spader, _Pretty In Pink_ style…okay, so maybe Nyota is a little gay. And Christine looks nothing like James Spader. Nyota doesn’t even think James Spader is cute. Ever since Christine stumbled into her sophomore year math class, Nyota has been paying just enough attention to her to know that she’s adorable and awkward and extremely intelligent. She never thought that she would _talk_ to Christine, aside from the occasional outfit compliment or pencil borrowing, at which Christine would always blush and stammer and generally make Nyota’s life miserable. Then Bones’ friend Jim—who Nyota had totally thought was gay even before the big revelation at the football game—brought Spock to their lunch table; and, by extension, Christine.

Nyota is very competitive. It’s just a fact of life. When she saw the way Christine looked at Spock, she felt…almost…affronted? Maybe she felt insulted, which she now realizes she shouldn’t have, because it’s not like every girl out there secretly has crushes on other girls and therefore should consider her as a suitable crush candidate. She feels a little guilty about how hard she is on Spock about the way he treats Christine, because it makes Christine feel bad. But anyway, she sabotaged her chances—what chances? _most girls do not have crushes on other girls_ —and convinced Christine to ask Spock to Homecoming. Now she’s regretting it. A lot.

“I can’t believe we’re actually _going_ , like, next week,” Christine gushes from the passenger side of Nyota’s beat-up VW. “I mean, he didn’t even say _no?_ and he _always_ says no,” she mumbles. “Do you think it means anything?”

“Um…no.” Nyota wonders if Christine can tell how hard she’s gripping the steering wheel. “He’s kind of oblivious when he’s not being outright rude. Remind me why you like him again?”

“Well, we’ve been best friends since first grade,” Christine starts, and Nyota frowns. It's been a while since that first lunch together, and she knows Christine well enough to know that she can exaggerate—especially when it comes to Spock.

“Spock says you started hanging out in eighth grade, because he got sent to the principal’s office for ‘losing his temper’—and I went to your school, don’t tell me he didn’t almost kill that Andrews kid—while you were hanging around crying because the kid he beat up stole your math homework or something.”

“Well, that’s when we started hanging out, but…I knew him in first grade.”

“Christine…this is Riverside. Almost everyone knew everyone in first grade.”

“Well I’ve liked him since first grade. But we didn’t talk until eighth.” Christine sounds embarrassed. Nyota starts to feel bad, again, because she always pushes Christine, but she figures she’s trying to help so it can’t be doing any long-term damage.

“I don’t know what you see in him,” Nyota mutters, remembering how when they drove away that day Christine cried in the car and told her that Spock would never actually like her but at least he was willing to be seen in _public_ with her at a _dance_ and Nyota almost punched through her own windshield.

“Aside from the fact that he’s tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious?” Christine looks at her incredulously.

“That’s the opposite of my type,” Nyota says quietly. Then she smirks. “Besides, I’m all that, and I didn’t see you accepting _my_ Homecoming offer.” Christine glares and then looks out the window.

“I hate it when you do that,” she mumbles. Nyota kind of freezes for a moment and almost panics but then she plays it off by laughing.

“Do what?”

“Look, I know I was totally pathetic that first day we talked. You don’t need to keep making fun of me like I’ve got some huge crush on you or…” Nyota has stopped listening, because she’s having a mini-panic attack, and has to remind herself to breathe and not stare wide-eyed out the window because she’s too cool for that.

“Do you?” she asks casually, giving Christine a sidelong glance. “Have a huge crush on me?”

“Shut up,” Christine growls. “It’s not like I’m…you know. I just...” she trails off, and then mumbles something about someone being ‘really pretty and stuff.’

“Okay, I’m going to need to not drive for a few minutes, because I’m about to have a moment. Don’t freak out.” She pulls over to the side of the road and says a quick prayer to Madonna for guidance. “If you did have a huge crush on me,” she says finally, still gripping the steering wheel for dear life, “that would be kind of cool.” Christine suddenly straightens and looks at Nyota incredulously.

“Are you serious?”

“Don’t be weird about it, I’m not going to like molest you or something,” Nyota replies, still hoping that she can pass this off as a joke if it doesn’t work out.

“Oh.” Christine is now blushing furiously and staring out the window. “Well. I might.”

“Okay,” Nyota says, because there’s nothing she can even say, and she almost feels like she’s going to die, but she doesn’t. She just drives Christine to her bus stop, because walking is lame, and Christine does this little wave before she gets on the bus—she almost made Christine late, but that’s something to scold herself for at another time—and Nyota grins like an idiot for the rest of the drive home and has to tell her sister that no, she doesn’t have a new boyfriend, it was just a really great day.

…

_if you’re in it for love, you ain’t gonna get too far_

…


	13. Like a Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooooo the play is A Midsummer Night's Dream, just in case you wanted to know. This part may or may not be based on the moment my mom realized my dad was hella attractive in 80's high school drama club.

 Jim is actually wearing tights the first time Spock realizes it. ‘He’s actually wearing honest-to-God tights,’ Bones said, and Spock hadn’t believed it but then everyone was out on stage in their costumes and he almost dropped a wall onto them. He finishes rigging up the fly-in set pieces and then turns back to the stage. Sulu and Chekov are in the wings on the other side, collapsing in laughter, and their drama teacher and director is wringing her hands and bewailing the fate of the play because costumes that short can’t be good luck.

Anyway, it’s not the tights that make Spock realize that Jim is actually...is...he can’t even think it, it feels illegal. He’s almost expecting to have sirens blaring and people gasping in shock to realize that he, Spock, is thinking that Jim Kirk is surprisingly beautiful.

Spock is recovering from the shock of Jim in the most ridiculously revealing ‘tunic’ the costume department has ever not finished sewing on time, and Jim looks over at him and gestures to his outfit and makes this ridiculous face of helpless confusion. Spock doesn’t even know how to respond, so he just points across the stage at Chekov and Sulu, who have finished painting the giant sheet for the wall costume and are now dressed in what Spock is fairly sure are the fairy costumes. Jim glances at them and looks back at Spock and just sort of smiles like the sun coming out and it’s a horrible metaphor but Spock is so busy reeling from the shock of it that he can’t think of anything else.

Later they are all going to go out to some diner near Chekov’s house and beforehand Jim gets caught in his costume and accidentally rips it completely in half.

“I don’t know what this was made of, but it rips so easily I’m pretty sure that the whole audience will know what I look like shirtless and in tights by the end of the play.”

“Doesn't leave much to the imagination,” Janice says, stepping out of the costume storage area and makeshift girls' changing room.

“OH MY GOD JANICE I'M PRACTICALLY NAKED HOW DARE YOU MY VIRTUE IS FOREVER BESMIRCHED,” Jim calls out dramatically, holding the remains of his toga to his chest. “I can't be the Lysander to your Hermia if we don't have a trusting off-stage relationship!”

“Ha,” Janice says dryly. “Go put your clothes back on before Spock falls over.”

“Are you suggesting that I am somehow unstable?” Spock asks, even though he knows _exactly_ what she's suggesting and doesn't want to talk about it. Jim retreats to the dressing room with Sulu trailing behind him complaining about the flimsiness of togas, and Spock glares at Janice. Then Bones shows up, ready to join them on their excursion, still somewhat flushed from football practice.

“What are you two fighting about?” he drawls, giving Janice a playful elbow nudge.

“Oh, we're not fighting, Spock's just in denial,” Janice says brightly. Spock's eyes narrow.

“If you are suggesting what I think you are suggesting, not only are you gravely incorrect, but you are also being hypocritical in your criticism; in fact, perhaps you are merely reflecting your own opinions on me because of your dissatisfaction with your current situation in relation to...ah...the subject of our conversation.” He is absolutely in no way interested in Jim. Janice is just being...annoying. Jim is attractive, but Spock is not... _interested_.

“I have no idea what you even just said but it sounded way harsh,” Janice growls back.

“Are we talking about Jim?” Bones looks between the two of them, clueless, and then his face lights up. “Wait, Spock, you think Jim's--”

“I was just saying that I don't think _anything_ about Jim,” Spock growls.

“Um, excuse me?” Janice imitates Bone's exaggerated eye roll.

“Wait, hold on, _you're_ one to talk,” Bones says, looking disapprovingly at Janice. “Leave the man alone, it's not his fault you're both--”

“I am _not_ ,” Spock interrupts.

“Whatever. It's not his fault you think you're madly in love with someone who sees you as a kid sister.” Janice stares at Bones in shock. “What? Somebody had to say it.”

“You're a fucking jerk, you know that?” Janice hisses, just as Jim walks back in.

“As much as the statement may have been true, I, too, found it cruel and unwarranted,” Spock adds. Janice gives him a look that confirms a sort of solidarity and they walk out together, leaving Jim standing next to Bones looking very confused.

 

…

_I hear you call my name, and it feels like home_

...

 


	14. Tell Her About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY'RE ON A DATE YOU GUYS IT'S A DATE FOR REAL IT'S A DATE

Christine has kind of been avoiding Spock lately. It's not like she doesn't still have the hugest crush on him, but... It's kind of hard to crush on two different people of two different genders at the same time.

What they are right now is kind of like friendship, but also sort of like a relationship, and Christine's pretty sure she's not gay—or if she is, then not like _completely_ exclusively girls-only gay—but Nyota is extremely cute and really nice and has amazing hair and... So Christine kind of isn't sure who she likes more at the moment. They go on dates and no one even _notices_ or _cares_ because they're girls and everyone just thinks they're friends, but Christine is starting to think they're actually girlfriends? Sort of? And it's great.

“Seriously, how long does it take to get a side order of fries?” Nyota grumbles, sliding into the booth next to her. “How long have we been here again?”

“I don't know,” Christine sighs, glancing at the clock shaped like a guitar. “When's the movie again?”

“Not 'till ten,” Nyota replies. They exchange another one of those almost-awkward glances that sort of convey the idea that neither of them is really sure what they're doing yet. Christine knows that Nyota's had boyfriends; she even dated Bones once freshman year. Christine hasn't really ever dated anyone yet, much less a _girl_ , so it's kind of new to both of them.

“Christine?” Recognizing Bones' voice, she looks, horrified, towards the counter. The entire crew is there...and then suddenly their booth is full of drama nerds.

“What are you two doing here? You told me you had a date,” Janice says in confusion. Nyota looks at Christine, impressed, and Christine blushes even more furiously.

“He...um...it didn't work out,” she mumbles. “What are all of _you_ doing here?!”

“I told you we were going out for food after practice,” Janice replies. “You should have been there. They've just started trying on costumes and it's _great_. Jim was practically naked.”

“Everyone was impressed,” Jim inserts. “I'm pretty sure Miss Keeler took pictures.”

“Miss Keeler is great,” Bones says dreamily. “Who knew a long-term substitute could be so attractive?”

“Let's not talk about hot teachers,” Nyota replies. “Some people at the table don't have a very good history with that sort of thing.”

“I THOUGHT WE AGREED NEVER TO TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN,” Jim growls, glaring fiercely at Nyota across the table. Christine is squished between her and the wall, while Nyota is similarly trapped between Christine and Bones. Janice and Spock are very pointedly _not talking to him,_ as they repeatedly mention during their conversation about the dangers of assumption, with examples from the current English text— _Oedipus Rex_.

“When you _assume_ things about people you end up marrying _your mom_ ,” Janice says pointedly.

“When Oedipus _falsely accuses_ Tiresias of working against him, he brings about his own _doom._ ” Spock's only emphasis on his words is a raised eyebrow, but Christine can tell he's being extremely grumpy. Meanwhile, Jim's quesitoning Nyota about their math test that morning, and Sulu and Chekov have pulled up chairs to the end of the table to tell Bones about Jim's Homecoming date, who is apparently a very ill-reputed redheaded sophomore.

“Wait, what?” Christine leans over Nyota's graph made of french fries to try to hear them better. “Wait, he asked _Gaila_?! Do you even _know_ her?!” She looks at Jim in horror.

“She didn't have a date,” Jim shrugs. “Plus, she's nice.”

“She's NICE _,”_ Janice growls. “VERY NICE. Like the Sphinx in _Oedipus_.”

“Is she going to be in our group?” Christine asks, fearing that she doesn't want to know the answer.

“Do you really think Spock can function at a dance without Jim?” Nyota says to her quietly. Christine frowns.

“Generally, dates are included in the group,” Jim says tersely.

“It's not like I have a problem with her, but have you heard all the rumors about her?” Christine mumbles, embarrassed.

“I have,” Jim challenges. “Have you heard the rumors about _me_? Do you think anyone else would like to go to Homecoming with the guy who made out with his chemistry teacher? Because if you can find anyone, and they're not judgemental jerks, I'd love to get to know them.” Spock and Jim sort of share a look after the outburst and Jim just sits back in the booh and sulks.

“Sorry,” Christine says finally, trying to end the awkward silence.

“It's fine,” he grumbles.

“I think my mother is expecting me,” Spock says suddenly. Christine winces at the absolute awkwardness of his remark, but then she notices his expecant look at Jim.

“We'd better go, then,” Jim sighs, and Janice slides out of the booth to let them out, whereupon they are immediately replaced by Sulu and Chekov, still gossiping about Homecoming date drama.

After Christine and Nyota finally get home from the movie, they sit in Nyota's car in front of Christine's house.

“So...our dinner date kind of got hijacked,” Christine mumbles.

“You told Janice you had a _date_ ,” Nyota says jubilantly. “Is...is that what we're doing? Just sort of casually dating?”

“Well...yeah...I guess? If you think we are. You're the one who's dated people before.” Christine just knows she's blushing again.

“Oh. Okay.” Nyota looks like she doesn't know what to do next and it's the first time Christine has ever seen her that way. It's adorable. For a second Christine can sort of feel her heart beating like in her face and then she leans over and kisses her. It's quick, it's not especially magical, but then Christine says “goodnightbyeseeyouonmonday” in one breath and dashes all the way to her room where she makes a really embarassing squealing noise.

Nyota's kind of frozen for a good two minutes. She's not even sure if she could be considered safe to drive, she's _that fucking shocked and excited._

 

…

_you don't want somebody telling you_

_the way to stay in someone's soul_

_..._


	15. Rich Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyota has evil plans. Jim is angsty. it is very short and so is the next chapter and i am very sorry.

Jim is on his way to Chess Club when Nyota corners him.

“So. Chess Club.”

“Yes,” he replies patiently, waiting for her to move out of the doorway. “Chess Club.”

“Would Chess Club not be the favorite club of one tall, dark, probably-not-from-this planet gentleman?” She actually gives him the Spock Look, and Jim's beginning to think there's something wrong with his eyebrows, because apparently everyone can do that.

“Nooooo...” He isn't really sure what she wants, but Nyota is kind of hot and definitely scary, and also blocking the door.

“Do you... _like_ him?” she asks, and there's that sinking feeling again.

“Um...”

“I'm not asking becase you're into guys. I'm asking for research purposes. Nothing to do with being gay at all. All about Spock.”

“Why?” Jim gives her his most quizzical look, which involves some squinting and praying that his eyebrows don't look weird. Nyota sort of frowns and looks actually _shy_ for a few seconds.

“I just happen to be interested in why someone might be into Spock. And how to prevent that.” Jim just stares for a minute. Then it hits him like a freight train full of bricks. He's pretty sure that's the wrong metaphor, but...

“Wait, are you talking about—you're—you?!”

“Shut your face,” she growls. “As I said before, this has nothing to do with you. Or gayness. Of any kind. _Not that it's your business_.”

“I think I need to sit down for a little while and think about my life,” Jim says quietly, because apparently he's literally the _only_ person in the _whole school_ who isn't getting any action. First there was Spock, all attractive and unnattainable, then whatever weird thing Janice was having with Bones where they were glaring at each other but really just wanted to make out (probably), and now apparently Nyota likes Christine who likes Spock who likes _no one_ and JIM IS HAVING A CRISIS OF THE HEART.

“Stop being so weird,” Nyota grumbles. “I never admitted anything.”

“How come everyone at this school is finding gay love and all I get to do is play matchmaker?” Jim complains, shoving open the door as Nyota finally moves out of the way. The look she gives him through the door says that if he tells anyone what he _thinks_ is going on then the authorities will never find his corpse.

 

…

_it's a bitch, girl, and it's gone too far but you know it don't matter anyway_

…


	16. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVIL PLANS ARE COMING TO FRUITION  
> also this is very short and i apologize AGAIN

 “I do not understand why you believe I am in need of a 'makeover'. My current outer representation is perfectly adequate.” Spock frowns.

“How are you supposed to impress the boys if you don't dress like Rob Lowe?”

“To which boys are you referring, and for what reason would I need to impress them?” Spock feels his chest tighten in momentary panic and tries to think about electronegativity and recites trends to do with atomic radius instead of thinking about Jim but it's too late, he just thought about Jim, but maybe if he goes over the photoelectic effect he can pretend that he didn't.

“Shut up and get in the car.” Nyota opens the passenger side door, and Spock realizes that Christine is actually sitting in the back seat. She gives him a little wave. He hesitates, uncertain. Christine's presence means safety; it also means that this probably has something to do with her.

“Jim,” he blurts out, then bites his lip. “Um. He—he'll be waiting.”

“Not today,” Christine says helpfully from the back. “I told him you were coming over after school to study for the science test.”

“There is no science—oh.” Spock sees that he's not going to get out of his present situation, nor will he be able to get Christine and Nyota to leave him alone until he goes with them. “I resent your assumption that my current mode of attire is not _impressive_ ,” he grumbles when he finally gets in.

…

_I want to be the one to walk in the sun_

_..._


	17. I Can Dream About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY WENT SHOPPING. CLOTHESSSS  
> It's a disaster of the best kind.

“Where the hell is Spock?” Jim asks. “He wasn't at his house this morning.” Chekov and Sulu just smirk at each other and refuse to answer. Then Jim turns to go to English and...

“Oh Jesus Christ.” Bones drops his Precalc book and scrambles to pick it up, glancing up every few seconds as if to be sure that what he's seeing is real.

“Jim. I believe we have English class.” Spock looks amazing. His usual sweater/jeans combo has been replaced by a tight-fitting tee and some extremely well-fitted jeans. He's also wearing what looks like a black varsity jacket, and Jim is not sure if he's still alive. Spock in that black turtleneck backstage was one thing; this is entirely different.

“Right,” Jim stammers finally. “English. Class. Words. Book.”

“Indeed,” Spock replies, sort of gliding past with Nyota following along behind. She gives Jim a grin of pure evil that he would absolutely resent if he weren't trying to control his huge crush on his best friend at the moment. He wonders where Spock even _got_ super attractive clothes, but then he stumbles into English.

“What _happened_?” he hisses, sitting down at the desk next to Spock's.

“Nyota and Christine insisted on me accomanying them on a shopping trip,” Spock says, looking a little embarassed. “They were very...convincing.”

“Oh,” Jim says, a little dazed. “Um...okay.”

Class passes in a blur of _but he's so well dressed_ and at the end of the day Jim is standing on the stage trying to deliver his lines but he's looking over Janice's shoulder at Spock in that tight black tee shirt using his surprise arm muscles to lift heavy set pieces.

“What are you looking at?” Janice asks grumpily, starting to turn around.

“But soft, what light from yonder...I mean, 'so quick bright things come to confusion,'” Jim mumbles, looking awkwardly at the girl playing Titania who's standing in the wings almost crying in fury at how horrible their rehearsal is going.

“Is that _Spock?_ What is he _wearing_?”

“UM.”

“Okay, let's take a break,” Miss Keeler says above the sudden buzz of conversation going on both on and off the stage. “If you guys aren't going to be productive, just go run lines. Send me Andrea and Scotty, we'll do some Demitrius and Helena scenes.”

“Thanks, Miss Keeler,” Jim mutters, ashamed. “I...uh...don't know why...”

“Get off my stage, Kirk.” The drama teacher shakes her head. She's also the supervisor for Ethics Club, and Jim hates to disappoint her.

Backstage, he hears hushed whispers, and finds Chekov and Sulu—do they ever go anywhere separately, he wonders—wearing full beards and trying to act out a scene from _Fiddler on the Roof_.  
“What the fucking hell,” he says quietly, before just sinking down into the pile of disused costumes and trying to pretend he's exhausted.

“Jim?”

Oh god, Jim thinks, looking up in the near-darkness of the wings to see Spock, who now just looks extremely hot all the time, and it's an issue, and Jim's having a problem with it.

“Are you ill?”

“I am sick at heart,” Jim mutters. “Because of...uh...the story. Of um. Titania and Oberon.”

“Hm,” Spock says, and Jim really hopes he isn't wondering if Jim's gay for him NOT ONLY BECAUSE PEOPLE TOTALLY DO THAT AND IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING but because it might be slightly true.

 

…

_I'm caught up in the magic that I see in you_

…

 


	18. Everybody Wants To Rule The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming happens. Spock doesn't like crowds. There's some friendship/possible love interest bonding time that needs to happen.

 Spock may or may not be having a slight crisis. He is not ready. Well—he is; he is wearing whatever ridiculous formal clothes Nyota bought him...but he's not mentally prepared for the anxiety and the worry and the absolute _fear_ that the dance is causing.

“Are you okay?” Jim looks at him from the driver's side. “If you want we can just tell Christine you got, like, sick or something.” Spock doesn't even dignify that with a response. Nyota has made it very clear that if he doesn't show up on time and ready to take Christine to Homecoming, he can expect her to talk to his mother about it, which is absolutely the opposite of what he wants.

“Why are you even going if you don't want to?” comes the curious inquiry from the back seat. Underclassmen always get the back; being Jim's Homecoming date is not enough to make Gaila an exception.

“I have no choice,” Spock says through his teeth, and Jim for some reason seems to understand and puts his hand on Spock's shoulder. Spock almost wants to pull away, like he always does when someone tries to touch him, but when Jim does it...it always seems safe.

“We're going for just, like, an hour,” Jim says reassuringy. He smirks at Gaila through the rear-view mirror. “Then we'll drop you off at Bones' party and I'll be there after I take Spock home.”

“Cool.” Gaila has quite a reputation, but from what Spock can tell, it seems to be unfounded. Getting to know her over the past week has led him to believe that she is merely talked about because of the way she dresses. Spock doesn't even think she has any romantic interests; she just seems to enjoy socializing. Her constant desire for conversation can be a bit much for him sometimes, but he can always rely on Jim to talk for him when he gets overwhelmed.

“Don't worry,” he says quietly to Spock, while Gaila bounces around excitedly in the back to the alt-pop on the radio. “We can sneak out of the dance like, five minutes after we get there. I'll just tell Christine we're getting punch. Nyota promised she'd make her be inclusive...” here he stops and his eyes flicker to the rear-view mirror... “and Bones said he'd cover for us if anyone asked questions.”

“Hmph,” Spock manages, because he can't think of anything to say, and his heart is pounding as Christine's house appears in front of them. He feels almost ill.

“Hey,” Christine says, sliding into the back. “Wait...um...okay.” Spock is pretty sure she was about to question the fact that she wasn't sitting next to him, and was grateful that she didn't mention it. She knows how difficult large crowds are for him, and he's still fairly annoyed at her and Nyota for forcing him into going to a dance that he obviously didn't want to be at. In fact, he's _very_ annoyed. By the time they reach the dance, Spock is seething.

They meet Bones and Nyota in the parking lot.

“I don't understand why we couldn't just go out to dinner like normal people,” Christine complains. Spock makes a vague growling noise and then blushes and turns to look at Jim, who smiles reassuringly, even though Spock knows that most people do not growl at their dates. Gaila bounces out of the car and somehow finds Chekov and Janice and they all start gossiping about which underclassmen did what and how scandalous everything was.

“I feel like I'm about to lose consciousness,” Spock announces as they walk into the darkened gym full of people and loud music. Christine has disappeared with Nyota somewhere, possibly to take pictures or something. All the lights and the noise and the people Spock doesn't know--can he really  _not know_ that many?--are making him dizzy and he starts to feel like he's about to fall over and die, though he knows that it is highly unlikely he will do so. _  
_

“...and that's our cue to ditch,” Jim announces, grabbing his elbow and steering him towards a side exit.

When they reach the parking lot, Spock can suddenly breathe again. He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath before—so he goes through the process of cellular respiration to remind himself not to do that next time. He's decided to cover photosynthesis as well when he realizes Jim is looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks, reaching out for a brief second before awkwardly thrusting his hands into his suit jacket pockets. “Still fully conscious?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Spock replies, straightening up and looking back towards the gym with a frown. “That was worse than I expected.”

“Um...yeah,” Jim says a little distractedly, pointedly looking away.

“What I am about to say will offend you,” Spock starts suddenly, because neurons are firing off in that all-too-familiar and unpleasant manner, but then he stops. If there is one thing he has learned from Jim, it is the value of tact. If what he is about to say will offend him, then it is unlikely that saying it will be of any use to either of them.

“Offend away,” Jim says warily. Spock looks at the ground, because he suddenly has absolutely no desire to inquire as to whether Jim appreciates Spock's change of wardrobe; he has no wish to say that he's seen Jim looking. He does not want to do this because it will mean that Jim will stop, because when Spock says things like that it tends to upset people. And Spock, for whatever reason, does not want Jim to stop looking.

“...your...shoes...are untied,” he says lamely, because that's the only thing he can think of, because science doesn't help when you need something to say, and it's not like he can tell Jim that 'his particle accelerator is running' or something dumb like that.

Jim's shoes are not untied, but thankfully he just shrugs and walks over to the car.

“So...You wanna go break stuff?” He turns around and he's holding Sulu's baseball bat. “I have a grudge against a few local mailboxes.”

“I...would like that,” Spock says finally, because he doesn't want to think about how Jim looks with that careless smile and those formal clothes. He would much rather be destructive, even if the destruction is unwarranted.

 

…

_there's a room where the light won't find you_

_holding hands while the walls come tumbling down_

…


	19. Don't You Forget About Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They destroy stuff. Then they talk about feelings.

Spock is dusty and tired and he's pretty sure that when they were smashing general items in the junkyard a tiny piece of glass hit him in the face. And it is probably the most fun he has had since...since ever.

“Why do you think destroying stuff is so relaxing?” Jim asks. They are sitting side by side in the abandoned house, both fairly exhausted from playing extremely loud music and physically wrecking both themselves and a few rusted-out cars.

“I try not to think about it,” Spock replies honestly. “I do not like to think of myself as a violent or destructive person. When I was younger...I had...less control over my emotions. I prefer to ignore them rather than try to understand.”

“That's not a good idea,” Jim says, looking at him with a concern that Spock is used to feeling for _him_ , not the other way around. “You can't just repress everything.”

“On the contrary,” Spock says, almost embarrassed. “I find it's easier to ignore...certain emotions...if one recites science facts. For instance, instead of worrying about why I am not as socially capable as my classmates, I might think about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle.”

“That's...sad and adorable,” Jim replies. Spock frowns. “Not like I'm looking down on you or anything. I mean, I guess it's a pretty good coping mechanism.” Spock wants to contradict, to say he's not 'coping' with anything, but then he realizes the hypocrisy of such a statement and restrains himself.

“What do you find relaxing about unwarranted destruction?”

“Well, when it's not hurting anyone, it's just...fun, I guess.” Jim reaches his foot out to gently nudge an empty bottle. Spock stares, almost speaks, and then stops. Instead of asking the question on his mind, he goes through his memory of reading _Catcher in the Rye_ the previous year and tries to formulate a thesis and topic sentences for a hypothetical essay which he will never write. When he really needs to think about other things, he writes English essays in his head. He has very good grades. “What are you thinking about?” Jim asks finally, looking at him. Spock looks at him and finds he cannot think of a good enough reason not to ask.

“What really happened? With the chemistry teacher?”

Jim does not answer for a while.

“He was a substitute,” Jim says finally. “Named Khan. He was really handsome and really passionate. I like chemistry, and he was hot, so sometimes I'd hang around after school. Then, one day, we--” Jim pauses, looking toward Spock. “We didn't do anything, like, not what everyone acted like we did. We kissed, like, two times, and the second time this kid Finnegan walked in and it was this whole big deal, and he got fired, and everyone knew about it.”

“And they blamed you?” Jim winces.

“Well, Spock, it's not like I was an unwilling participant,” he says gruffly.

“I understand,” Spock says, but he doesn't understand, he's _furious_ , he wants to crush something, he wants to find that person who dared to...who had the _nerve_ to take advantage of _Jim_ , who is so glowingly perfect he may as well be a property of light as a wave _and_ a particle, and then Jim is giving Spock that look of concern again so he calms himself down by quickly summarizing _The Scarlet Letter_ and the events of the French and Indian War in his head.

“You have that look again,” Jim remarks, and Spock frowns.

“I do not have any _look_ ,” he replies, knowing his tone is somewhat petulant.

“Are you...are you _mad_?”

“I assure you that I am far from mad.”

“You're _pissed_ ,” Jim says, laughing. “Oh my God, Spock, you're great.”

“I do not approve of punishing someone for something that is beyond their control,” he growls, looking at Jim. “I am glad you no longer attend that school. You deserve better.” He means so many things when he says that, but he chooses not to analyze any of them at the moment.

“Spock, you're weird,” Jim says, but Spock hears the affection and is finally able to relax.

…

_I won't harm you or try to touch your defenses_

_vanity and security_

…


	20. Footloose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well everyone ELSE had a super fun time at the dance. Especially Christine.

  They have just left the dance and Nyota feels like she is the queen of the universe.

“God, I didn't think people actually _spiked punch._ ” Christine smirks. “I thought that was just in _movies_. God, I'm not even like drunk at all! Like I think I might be _acting_ like I'm drunk but I don't think I'm really _drunk_.”

“I would have to agree,” Bones says from the driver's seat. “You have had literally one glass of punch. I have no idea what's wrong with you, but I will be giving Spock _hell_ on Monday for ditching us. Where the hell is Jim? Did they both just run off?” Nyota puts an arm around Christine, who is now practically dozing off, and it's just incredibly adorable that she has actually placebo-effect-ed herself to sleep.

“I have a feeling that Jim and Spock are having fun without us,” she says, because obviously she knows that Jim likes Spock. She'd have to be an idiot not to see it. Figuring out that Spock liked Jim was harder, because she had to keep it secret from Christine, and because Spock is basically a robot filled with science facts and chess strategy.

“Am I the only straight person in this entire friend group?” Bones says to himself, and Gaila laughs from the passenger seat, but doesn't say anything to contradict him, which Nyota finds very intriguing, considering the fact that just a few months ago Nyota was pretty sure she was the only even slightly gay girl in the entire state.

“There's Janice,” Nyota says suddenly. “She's pretty hetero.”

“What about Chekov and Sulu?” Gaila adds, leaning around the seat to smile brightly at her.

“I'm none too sure about those two,” Nyota replies. “They're either brothers or lovers and either way they're way too close to let girls get in the way.”

“Janice,” Bones growls, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

“What?”

“She's...ergh.” Nyota can't stop herself from laughing, because she knows that when Bones makes untranslatable noises it usually means he's in love. She has decided that she's probably the smartest person at their school, at least when it comes to interpreting body language and sniffing out possible romance. She's proud; besides, she's always been competitive.

 

…

_you're playing so cool_

_obeying every rule_

...


	21. We Close Our Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um...so the play happens. if anyone has any ideas for possible conflicts, let me know--I was thinking maybe something with Khan? but I'm not sure exactly what to do yet...

 It's opening night and Spock is sitting next to Jim as they're driving in the dark towards the school; Jim is in a tee shirt and jeans, already feeling the phantom itch of his future costume, quietly saying his lines under his breath. Every now and then Jim looks over at Spock and sort of smirks, or maybe gives him that searching look, and then Spock will prompt him with the line from the script he has open on his lap. It's not actually a script; it's Jim's own dog-eared copy of the play, and Spock is very impressed. It's lovingly annotated in faint pencil. He does find the occasional irreverent “seriously shakespeare seriously” in the margins, or something along the lines of “fairies destroy other peoples' lives because they're jerks never date them,” but that's not what he's paying attention to. What he's watching is the way that Jim's eyes move, scanning the road, yet slipping in and out of that other world, into a different character. They get to the parking lot, and Jim turns toward him.

“'How now, my love, why is your cheek so pale? How chance the roses there do fade so fast?'” he recites, with a twinkle in his eye.

“'Belike for want of rain, which I could well besteem them from the tempest of my eyes,'” Spock replies smugly, holding up the closed book. Jim takes it, smirking.

“You're not the one who's supposed to have that memorized,” he scolds. “God, if I start quoting Romeo and Juliet again, you have to drop the curtain on me or something.”

The night is a success. Jim remembers all his lines, never stumbles once—and a few times Spock catches his eye from the wings and sees him stand up straighter, speak more clearly.

At the end of the night, Spock sees Bones hand Janice a bouquet of flowers and mutter something about 'long overdue' and 'still not taking back what he said about Spock,' but he feels no need to contradict his assumptions. In fact, he's having difficulty denying it to himself, even after several recitations of the atomic symbols and rightful names of all of the elements on the periodic table, which he had memorized the week before after Jim had laughed and put his arm around Spock's shoulders in a particularly upsetting manner.

 

…

_inside everyone hides one desire_

_outside, no one would know_

…

 


	22. We Built This City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHORT CHAPTER ARE SHORT. I NEED A CONFLICT AND I CAN'T FIGURE ONE OUT. THEY CAN'T KISS UNTIL IT'S RESOLVED. SO FAR I HAVE AN UNATTACHED KISSING SCENE WITH NO CONTEXT AND IT'S AWFUL. IT TAKES PLACE IN SPRING. HOW AM I GOING TO GET TO SPRING, THEY'RE STILL IN LIKE MID DECEMBER. HELP. also spock beats people up

 It's October and he's starting to feel like something in him is about to explode. It's been a month of whispered conversations, sidelong glances, and flat-out glares. He's getting tired of not addressing it, so when he slams his locker closed and Harry's standing there with a smirk that Spock definitely recognizes, instead of walking away he glares back, challenging.

“Things seem to have progressed pretty well for you. You used to have no friends, and now you have a boyfriend.”

“To whom are you referring? I have many male friends,” Spock says through gritted teeth.

“We all know that you're more than just 'male friends' with Jim Kirk,” the other boy replies. Spock looks down on him—literally and figuratively—and his dark eyes narrow. “I hear he's into science nerds. Didn't he fuck his chemistry teacher? His _male_ chemistry teacher?”

“Were your statement with regard to my personal relationships true, I would consider myself fully entitled to do what I am about to do,” Spock says darkly. “However, it is not, but I shall take this one small liberty.”

That's all he remembers before several teachers are dragging him, still fighting, to the principal's office. He notes with satisfaction that his knuckles are bruised.

 

…

_say you don't know me or recognize my face  
say you don't care who goes to that kind of place _

…


	23. Hate To Say I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um so Spock kind of beat the crap out of that minor character back there  
> that was meant so signify some later conflict, should i ever figure out what i'm doing for that  
> and Jim is appropriately upset...ish

“So you did all that to him, and all he did was call you _gay_ ,” Jim says, in the parking lot after school. Spock had been sent home, but being excused from school did not excuse him from tech duties, as Mrs. Keeler had reminded him on his way out the door. Apparently, the theater department was immune to disciplinary actions. Spock is staring, sullen, at the ground. Jim seems upset, but Spock is fairly sure there is nothing he can do about that, so he makes a list of his favorite pathogens in his head. He visualizes his least favorite classmates afflicted with the most uncomfortable ones.

“He didn't just...that's not what he said,” Spock growls finally. He looks up at Jim. “It was...a slight against your honor,” he says uncomfortably, brushing his hair out of his face and inadvertently exposing his only injury.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Jim growls, ignoring Spock's words and taking his hand. “What did you _do_ to him?”

“I don't remember,” Spock says honestly. “I told you. I lost control.” Jim looks at Spock with a slight hint of fear under his anger and admiration, and it makes his heart sink down into his chest. Figuratively, of course—instead of thinking about this feeling, he reminds himself of the subtle visual differences between cardiac and skeletal muscle tissue.

“I am so done with people acting like calling someone gay is some big insult,” Jim growls. “Couldn't you have just walked away?”

“No.” Spock looks at the ground and doesn't tell Jim exactly what happened. Jim looks at him, frowning, obviously aware of the fact that there is something Spock isn't telling him.

“I think Bones has a first aid kit in his car somewhere,” Jim says distractedly, pulling Spock in the direction of Bones' pickup. Spock simply allows himself to be led, refusing to acknowledge anything other than his imminent doom when Principal Pike finally calls his mother.

 

 

…

_hold me now, I really want to tell you I'm sorry_

…


	24. Call Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um so JIM REALLY LIKES SPOCK OKAY and IT'S OBVIOUSLY MUTUAL BUT WHO KNOWS WHERE THIS IS GOING BECAUSE THEY CERTAINLY DON'T

 “What you said, like, a long time ago...at the house. Is it still true? You really don't know why I hang out with you?” Spock sits, silent, in the passenger seat. Jim frowns and turns the radio down, glancing at him expectantly.

“That is true,” Spock acknowledges. “Somewhat. You seem to find me entertaining, but I cannot say that I know your reasons for speaking to me when we first met.” He glances down at his bandaged knuckles. “Nor do I understand why or how you convinced Principal Pike not to notify my mother of today's transgression.”

“He knows my dad. It's not a big deal.”

“That is not what I meant,” Spock replies. “You are upset. You obviously would have preferred it if I had not...if I had not engaged in a violent exchange on your behalf. Why would you try to prevent me from being punished for my actions?” Spock's head is buzzing sort of and mostly he's not thinking about what he's saying. Actually, he's thinking about DNA replication. Then the car stops and Jim is looking at him in a way that he doesn't really know how to interpret.

“Do you want to hear a sappy, emotional reason for why I hang out with you?” Jim is still giving Spock that look and Spock doesn't know how to respond. “You are extremely smart and extremely kind and you actually _get_ me. Also you give a fuck when people say stuff about me. And that's cool. But you also for some weird reason don't have that many friends, which I totally don't understand, because you're great, and people should care about whether you have a ride to school and what you're doing on Fridays. So yeah.” Then Jim puts the car into drive and they arrive at Spock's house five minutes later in silence.

“You are...very...” Spock is having difficulties. Jim sighs.

“It's okay Spock, just because I—”

“What I do not understand at the moment is why I 'hang out' with _you_ ,” Spock grumbles. Jim smirks.

“It's probably something to do with my hot body.” Spock exits the vehicle in a hurry.

…

_no time to hesitate, we must communicate_

_..._


	25. History Never Repeats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUDDEN REALIZATION THAT JIM IS A HOTTIE.  
> also A Streetcar Named Desire because TENNESEE WILLIAMS  
> remind me to compare Jim to Marlon Brando later

 

He's enjoying his Monday, not thinking about Jim, and walking to English class while most definitely and confidently not thinking about Jim. He is thinking about the periodic table. Which he can't remember, so that's a problem. Tantalum is the only element he can think of at the moment and for some reason he cannot remember its atomic symbol or mass. He is very upset about this and he is not thinking about Jim. He is thinking about other things. He is having upset feelings about things that are not Jim, like his physics test, which he has just failed, not because of Jim or because he was thinking about Jim, but because he forgot what he was doing and didn't finish it. He is very much not that upset at all, actually, because he doesn't even care, because one failed test will not even make a dent in his grade what with his extra credit.

He walks into English class, not thinking about Jim. He takes out _A Streetcar Named Desire_ and doesn't think about Jim...

He is reading _A Streetcar Named Desire_ and he is definitely thinking about Jim. Not that he sees Jim as similar to Stanley—that would be the dumbest comparison ever; Stanley is a jerk—but something about the way it reads is just so...

Nope. Not going to think about it. Not going to think about how reading the steamiest book they've ever read in English class reminds Spock of Jim. That is not happening.

“You seem a little angry at your book,” a voice says over his shoulder. Spock tenses instantly.

“It's frustrating,” he says carefully. Jim gives a ridiculously drawn-out sigh and then tosses a crumpled piece of paper over Spock's shoulder and onto his desk. Glaring despite himself, Spock takes it and attempts to decipher Jim's messy scrawl. It says 'you are mad at me for no reason: circle y or n' and Spock frowns down at it with all the energy he can muster before circling 'no' in 'no reason' because he's contrary like that. He adds 'Very mature, Jim' to the end. Then he turns around and very purposefully makes eye contact while sliding the paper onto Jim's desk. Then he turns back to face the teacher and decides to think about Jim.

As soon as he does, there's sort of a burst of science facts, and he realizes _exactly_ how bad he did on his physics test that morning. Then he thinks, _Jim Kirk is extremely attractive. I am attracted to Jim Kirk. Jim is male. Therefore, I, Spock, am somewhat attracted to males. Sexually_ , he adds to himself, while trying really hard not to. Then... _Jim Kirk is also historically proven to have somewhat of an attraction to males. Particularly ones in tight-fitting clothes. Who are named Spock._ He frowns to himself. _That doesn't make grammatical sense, and Jim's appreciation of a well dressed individual does not necessarily indicate romantic interest._ Spock is surprised at how well his mental conversation with himself is going. He realizes that maybe he's been overreacting, that his fear of realizing that he's attracted to men is a bit unfounded. He can't exactly say he's attracted to women; he's never met a girl he liked that way. So...Maybe Spock is, as Jim would put it, 'full on Elton John gay.' It's new, and it's not something he wanted to acknowledge at first, but he can deal with it.

The bell rings and Spock finds himself walking with Jim to lunch.

“So...you ignored me for the entire first half of the day _why,_ exactly?” Jim asks, elbowing Spock in that most endearing and yet somehow still extremely annoying way that he always does.

“I was not ignoring you,” Spock says curtly. “I was merely focusing on my physics test.”

“Instead of me,” Jim grumbles, pouting. Spock looks very determinedly at the cafeteria doors ahead of them.

“Spock, are you okay?” Christine has appeared at his elbow, which is somewhat comforting, because she hasn't done that for a while since she started hanging out with Nyota all the time. “I saw you just staring at your test for like fifteen minutes. What happened?”

“I forgot,” Spock says, with a long-suffering look.

“He was distracted,” Nyota says, giving him a sidelong glance that Spock recognizes by now, and so he merely raises his eyebrows.

Later, at the table, Spock notices Janice and Bones sitting next to each other, though they are still sort of ignoring each other (in a way that somehow seems affectionate) and realizes that maybe he's not the only one discovering emotions.

 

…

_and there's a light shining in the dark, leading me on towards a change of heart_

…


	26. Jesse's Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're making out and it's really exciting and aghhhh  
> i feel like I need to write an actual fic that's just chuhupel because at this point it just seems like i don't have the time to make their relationship as awesome and angsty as kirk/spock because i'm too busy figuring out my conflict

The first time they totally make out is like, the greatest. Anyway Christine is just like really enjoying herself. And she's trying to explain Tennessee Williams' backstory the whole time.

"So he actually wrote this other play called The Glass Menagerie and it's about his mom and his sister--" And that's when Nyota starts kissing her neck, which is making her explanation difficult, but English is important. "--who was put in a...mental institution..."

“Christine? You get that I'm not really in a Tennessee Williams kind of mood, right?” Nyota says, and Christine realizes that they're actually like _on her bed,_ like in a makeout sort of way, not at all like just hanging out on her bed, and it's _awesome_ , and Nyota's knee between her thighs is _really_ distracting.

“Um...Yeah? Are we doing this?”

“If you want to,” Nyota replies, and Christine is probably grinning like an idiot because she definitely wants to be making out with Nyota like right that second but first she should probably figure out where she left her brain so she can say that.

“Yup,” is all she manages, and she's thankful that Nyota just kisses her instead of laughing. Actually making out with girls is super awesome. Well. Christine hasn't actually made out with anyone else yet so technically she could think that making out in _general_ is awesome but it's probably just particularly great that she's making out with Nyota at this very moment and then she realizes that she should really be focusing on the task at hand and sort of stops thinking for a while.

 

…

_I want to tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot_

…


	27. The King of Wishful Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NYOTA AND CHRISTINE ARE ALL IN LOVE AND IT'S GROSS AND JIM IS ALL SINGLE AND AGH.  
> also spock is forgetting that this is an au where he's not a vulcan and therefore cannot transmit his thoughts directly to jim.

Jim doesn't care at all that people watch him with Spock as they walk through the halls. He is so over that. What he's _not_ over is how gracefully Spock walks, how he is confident enough now to occasionally look down at Jim—God, he's so fucking tall—and give him an easy smile that fucking _everyone_ can see and...and... Dammit, he's fucking hot. And everyone knows it. And everyone thinks they're an item, and Jim would really fucking love that to be true. But it's not.

Spock is either straight or just like...a totally non-sexual entity, like Sherlock Holmes or Holden Caulfield. Jim wants so badly to just be like “okay, Spock, we're friends and I respect that, but if you ever wanted to have sex or possibly make out I'd be sooooo into it” but he has no idea how Spock would react, and he knows that's just NOT going to happen, because he'll never work up the guts to find out.

“What are you thinking about?” Bones asks disdainfully, throwing an apple at him.

“Ouch,” Jim growls, looking to see where the apple ended up. “Dude, you didn't have to waste a perfectly good nutritional snack to get my attention. And how are you going to be a doctor if you're throwing apples at people? They're supposed to keep _you_ away, Bones—they're not to throw at patients.”

“I'm laughing internally,” Bones says drily.

“Yeah, well I'm pretty sure I'm _bleeding_ internally,” Jim grumbles. “I think I'm going to have an apple-shaped bruise. Such cruelty from such a close friend. I am betrayed.”

“If you'd stop your drama for just a moment, I was wondering if you wanted to hit the bowling alley with me and the girls after school.”

“Ooh. Will Janice be there? Aren't you guys a thing?”

“Shut up.”

“Won't that be weird if _I_ don't have a date?” Jim smirks.

“Bring Spock.”

“I HATE YOU,” Jim growls. “I'm going to smack you so hard it'll—” At this moment, Spock appears at the table. He sets his tray down next to Jim.

“You'll what?” Bones asks smugly, holding up another apple threateningly. Spock gives him a quizzical look, at which Bones rolls his eyes, and then Spock visibly chooses to ignore it and turns to Jim.

“I will not require a ride home today,” he says cautiously, as if he's worried he'll hurt Jim's feelings, which of course makes Jim feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Why? Oh, wait—soccer tryouts, right?”

“Precisely.” There's a moment where they're just sort of looking at each other awkwardly, because Spock is giving Jim this _look_ , like he's trying to communicate some deep magical knowledge, but Jim really has no idea what's going on.

Nyota and Christine sit down and they're smirking and giving each other what Jim would refer to as 'extremely heterosexual glances' which sort of are cute but also kind of make Jim want to explode because they're so cute and _gross_ and he's freaking single and lonely. Also, being sort-of-but-not-completely-gay at a school that's not sure if it's okay with that has led the fairer sex to completely ignore him, which is really annoying.

“Hey, don't you have soccer tryouts today?” Nyota asks Spock, and Jim stifles a sigh of annoyance at how there are actually fucking stars dancing in her eyes. Are...are they actually _holding hands under the table_? Jim is very upset.

“Indeed.” Spock finally stops giving Jim that look of deep secret meaning.

“We should watch,” Christine says, and she's looking at Nyota and blushing and it's all gross and adorable. “Like, to support.”

“I would appreciate that,” Spock acknowledges, before giving Jim 'the look' again.

“I can go, I guess,” Jim says, looking back at Spock quizzically. He looks slightly pleased but also grumpy and Jim really has no idea what's going on.

Later when they're walking together to the soccer fields, Spock's walking close to him, and he seems more nervous and awkward than usual, and for about forty-five seconds Jim is almost sure that Spock has something important to tell him and that maybe Spock is possibly into him but then he decides that's highly unlikely and “illogical” as Spock would say.

…

_I don't need to fall at your feet just 'cause you cut me to the bone_

…

 


	28. Oh L'Amour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS AN INCIDENT. KHAAAAAAAAAAN

They're at the bowling alley. Soccer tryouts went well, and Spock is glad that Nyota and Christine seem to be such good friends now, but he really wishes he could just ask Christine what to do. Aside from Jim, she's the only person he's ever relied upon for assistance in social situations, and it's not like he can ask _Jim_ how to communicate that he might possibly be interested in him. Spock knows it's illogical, but he has a feeling that if he did so, it would be like adding 12 cubic grams of pure sodium to water and then waiting for the inevitable explosion and doom.

Jim's smiling and laughing and Spock can't help but smile with him.

“God, Chekov, you really can't bowl,” Sulu grumbles. “Why are we on the same team? You are a disgrace to that jacket!”

“I am very ashamed,” Chekov replies, rolling up the score sheet and using it to smack his teammate.

“Fun fact: Spock has a letterman jacket,” Nyota says with a slow smile, glancing at Jim. Jim looks at Spock in awe.

“You _what_? A _letterman jacket?_ ”

“I am a starter on the varsity soccer team,” Spock says, his face blank. “Why are you surprised?”

“I'M NOT SURPRISED. I think I might cry.” Jim flops down into the chair next to Christine. “ _Has he ever worn it?_ ” he asks in an exaggerated whisper. “Like, _for real_?”

“He never wears it,” Christine replies, smirking at Spock like she has some sort of evil plan. “He feels like a poser.”

“You're not,” Jim says urgently, looking at him with wide eyes. “You should wear it. Hell, I'll wear it.”

“Um...” Spock hopes he's not blushing. “Usually...the only person who wears an athlete's jacket...is his...er...”

“Girlfriend,” Nyota finishes, and Spock notes that while Nyota does not have a letterman jacket, Christine has been wearing a lot of Nyota's insignificant outerwear lately. He wonders if it means something.

“Or significant other,” Christine adds, and Spock sees that Jim is blushing.

“You should wear it,” he mutters. Then he stiffens and suddenly he's looking at something over Spock's left shoulder in horror. Spock turns and sees a rather handsome gentleman sitting at a table with what looks like a group of teachers. They all seem to be dressed like faculty, anyway. Bones sees Jim's expression as he returns from taking his turn and frowns.

“Close your face, dammit. It'll freeze like tha--” he stops mid-sentence when he sees the subject of Jim's stare. “Fuck,” he growls. The man who Spock concludes must be Khan sees Jim and gives him a knowing wave. That almost sends Spock over the boundary between simmering anger and berserk rage, but then Spock quickly recites the names and atomic numbers of all the alkali metals and he feels somewhat under control.

“I need to be not here,” Jim growls, stumbling in his rush to get past Janice on his way towards the door to the bathroom, where Spock assumes he'll lock himself in and probably continue to feel guilt over the fact that he engaged in a relationship with a teacher. Khan stands at the same time, which sends Bones scrambling after Jim in a hurry, and makes Spock want to throw a bowling ball at the wall as hard as he can.

On his way towards the bathroom, Spock actually bumps into Khan, and it's probably the closest he's ever been to wanting to kill someone.

Their eyes meet and Spock knows that this can only end one way. One of them is about to learn something about messing with Jim Kirk; he only hopes it's not him.

“So,” he says, thinking about the periodic table, and exactly which elements react with water. He is water and he's about to find out if this man is soluble. He smirks; Jim would've loved that pun. Maybe he should've said it aloud. Maybe Jim wouldn't get it, though. Did Jim know about solubility? Probably. Then he remembers exactly who probably taught Jim about solubility and his eyes narrow.

“Who are you?” the older man asks, when Spock conspicuously puts himself between Khan and the door.

“A friend,” Spock growls, before wondering if he should clarify. Khan's change in expression tells him he shouldn't have worried.

“So he told you,” Khan says, obviously sizing Spock up. “Of course he did. He tells everyone. _His_ side of the story, of course.”

“You disgust me,” Spock snarls, because he can't really think of anything else, and it's the truth, and if he tries to come up with a creative insult he'll just embarrass himself.

“I fail to see the point of a confrontation. You've stated your opinion, you obviously based it off of a biased account of the 'event' I can only assume you're referencing.”

“Biased? I fail to see how a teacher taking advantage of a student can be taken from the side of the student with bias. Such an action is unforgivable.” Spock really wants to punch him, but he just imagines calcium hitting water instead. Khan gives him a long-suffering look.

“You've heard one side of the story. Here's the other. James Kirk was a talented student. He showed a great interest in chemistry. Like any good teacher would, I encouraged his interest; he mistook my encouragement for flirtation, and reacted accordingly. I was on the verge of refusing yet another unwanted advance on his part when a student walked in. He made an assumption, which Jim echoed when confronted by the principal—to save his own reputation, most likely—and I was fired. I told the faculty my side of the story, and as much as the entire school believed me, since I couldn't be proven innocent I was assumed guilty. You are correct in the seriousness of a teacher 'taking advantage of' a student; however, that is not the case in this instance.” Spock's fists clench. He really wants Khan to provoke him, to say something, to give him a chance to just destroy him, but it's not working.

“I wouldn't believe you if you told me that helium was a noble gas,” Spock growls, and he takes a moment to be proud of his excellent chemistry pun before he walks away. Then he starts to feel uncertain.

Jim would not lie. Jim had implicated himself—had felt guilt for what he considered was his _equal_ share in the blame.

Jim would not lie.

But perhaps this other story was what his classmates believed. Perhaps he spent his days walking alone to and from school, avoiding ridicule if possible, hoping that no one would speak to him. Spock imagines Jim outcast, silent, and finds he can't exactly picture it. He only sees himself.

 

 

…

_there once was a time_

_had you here by my side_

_you said I wasn't your kind_

_only here for the ride_

_..._


	29. Say It Isn't So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um SO JIM'S FREAKING OUT but like OBVIOUSLY HE HAS A GOOD REASON

Jim feels caught between nausea and wanting to cry. But he's Jim Kirk, and he doesn't cry. He has never cried in his life. Okay, maybe once—when George moved out—but that didn't count, because his brother was going away to college, and he wouldn't see him for a long time. At the moment, he's locked in a stall in the bathroom with Bones, hiding from a guy who he was crazy about just a year ago, hoping he won't come in. Jim hasn't talked to Khan for months; their last conversation was mostly Khan yelling at Jim for letting them get caught, and then shortly after that yelling at him for telling the truth. It had not been a fun time.

“This is strangely romantic,” Bones whispers. Since they're standing on a toilet seat to avoid being seen—this was Jim's logic—it's about as romantic as a bag full of live crabs.

“I am in no mood for comedy,” Jim says. “If he comes in here I'm going to die.”

“If he comes in here I'll pretend you're not here. How's he gonna know we're in the same stall? He'd never suspect.”

“He's smart, Bones,” Jim grumbles. The door swings open and he instantly gets into a defensive position, which mostly involves him trying to get in front of Bones and falling off of his precarious position loudly.

“Jim?” It's Spock, and Jim is very upset. He opens the stall door with a bang.

“What the _fuck_ , Spock, can't a man urinate in peace?”

“Why would you...” Spock looks past him at Bones, still standing in somewhat of a James Bond pose atop the toilet, and looks at Jim in confusion. Jim gives a somewhat shaky sigh of exasperation.

“God, Spock. It's not like friends don't hide in bathrooms together. It happens all the time.” Unfortunately, Khan chooses this moment to enter the room. Then things happen really fast and Spock does some freaky martial arts thing and then Khan's on the floor and they're driving away from the bowling alley as fast as is legally possible.

 

…

_now wicked things can happen_

_you see 'em goin' down in war_

_but when you play in a quiet way_

_that bites it even more_

...


	30. Big Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...just...jim is tired of not getting a chance to defend himself, and spock is tired of jim needing to defend himself.

 He's not _glaring,_ exactly. He's just giving Spock this look and he doesn't seem to be very happy. They ride to school in silence, and finally Spock has to ask.

“Have I done something to upset you?” he asks carefully, glancing at Jim out of the corner of his eye. For some reason he's finding it difficult to look directly at him.

“It's really annoying when you act like you're my friggin' savior. I can take care of myself. I could've handled that...situation...last night.”

“I have never seen an example of you 'handling'--” Spock starts, but Jim just turns towards him and this time it's definitely a glare.

“No one ever _lets_ me handle fucking _anything_ on my own,” Jim growls. “Name one time you've seen me get the chance.” Spock sits in silence for a moment.

“After the football game.” Jim scowls. “You engaged in self-destructive behaviors.”

“That doesn't count. You made me stop.”

“I did not force you to cease driving at unsafe speeds. Nor did I do more than vaguely hint that I did not think it would be wise to consume alcohol while in an emotionally fragile state.” Jim looks at him incredulously.

“'Vaguely hint' my ass,” he growls. “God, Spock.”

“Are you upset with me for showing concern for your well being?” Spock gives Jim that signature look that Jim loves so much. Jim rolls his eyes and glares at the road, grumbling something about 'fucking jerk' and then a reluctant 'no one asked you to care' which makes Spock grumpy. Then, tentatively, he gently punches Jim in the arm.

“What the fuck, that was the least violent thing I've ever experienced in my life,” Jim can't help but laugh, looking at Spock, who is now thoroughly embarrassed. “What are you going to do next, kiss me?” And then there is a silence, and Jim is giving him a confused look.

Spock would refer to it as a 'pregnant pause'. There is much that he _could_ be saying, like 'perhaps I shall' or 'you are dumb' or something that would hopefully ease the sudden tension, but it's too late for that, and now Spock's panicking on the inside and he doesn't know what to do.

Then Jim just smirks.

“Spock, you never cease to amaze me,” he says, laughing. Spock is flooded with relief and he realizes he's been reciting polyatomic ions. _Sodium bicarbonate, NaHCO_ _3_ _1-_ _,_ he says to himself. _Soluble in water_ , he adds for good measure, just in case he forgot.

 

…

_you had to be a big shot, didn't you_

_you had to prove it to the crowd_

_..._


	31. Burnin' Down the House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more chuhupel because I am SLOWLY BECOMING MORE COMFORTABLE WITH WRITING STUFF OKAY  
> SORRY  
> NOT ACTUALLY SORRY AT ALL

 Christine and Nyota are making out in Nyota's basement with MTV playing on TV because it a. masks their makeout noises and b. makes it seem like they're obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.

Actually though, Christine is kind of into Bruce Springsteen, but right now she's mostly into how fashionable turtlenecks are at the moment because she is _so_ going to have hickeys.

“Seriously though, how many sisters do you _have?_ ” Christine grumbles when they have to spring apart for what seems like the five billionth time as yet another sibling whizzes through the room looking for something.

“Just the one, but she's very fast and very annoying,” Nyota replies.

“But she's worn three different outfits in the time she's come down here!” Christine looks at Nyota in confusion. Nyota just shrugs.

“She's also very indecisive. Anyway, I think we were...um...working on the Calculus homework.”

“Yeah...let's get back to that, actually, it's due tomorrow,” Christine says, leaning over Nyota as she reaches for her textbook. Nyota gives her an exasperated look.

“Are you serious?” Christine smirks, dropping the book.

“Absolutely not.”

...

_close enough but not too far, maybe you know where you are_

_..._


	32. Mad World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PEOPLE ARE JERKS  
> and Bones is a doctor, not a psychiatrist or a therapist or whatever it is you consult when people are jerks  
> generally, if you're not bleeding, he can't help you.

Spock glares at anyone who dares to snicker. The car is...okay, but...embarrassing. 

“I'm going to fucking punch every person I have ever met,” Jim growls, and it is the first thing he has said in the past five minutes, which he has spent leaning over the hood with a look of intense fury on his face. 

“I would prefer if you did not,” Spock replies. “I do not believe it would end well for you.” When they left school that day, the car was fine. But then, when they came out of the movie theater, there was...that.

“I mean, like, at _least_ they could have just painted a _dick_ on it or something,” Jim growls. “But, like, _“fag?”_ Are you fucking kidding me? Couldn't even bother to write the whole word? Fucking geniuses.” At this moment, Bones arrives with a movie theater employee in tow.

“Do you fucking see this, man?”

“Jesus.” The guy, who looks like he's about their age—in fact, Spock's fairly sure he's a senior at their school—shakes his head. “Seriously? Couldn't they have just drawn like a dick or something?”

“ _That's exactly what I said,”_ Jim hisses. “Scotty, tell me there's a way we can fix this.” 

“Um...Well, technically I'm on break, and those projectors don't just run themselves, but... I guess I can get paint by tomorrow.”

“SCOTTY, ARE YOU TELLING ME I HAVE TO DRIVE MY BABY IN THIS DEFILED CONDITION?”

“You could just own it,” Bones suggests. “I'll buy you a tiara, maybe a nice feather boa, you can lie across the hood and Spock'll drive.” Spock is not sure if he's joking, and the idea of Jim in a feather boa is both confusing and slightly intriguing.

“Where exactly are you in this equation?” Spock asks.

“Standing on the top, posing like Jon Travolta in _Grease_ or something.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jim is now sitting on the ground, his face in his hands. Spock looks down at him in concern.

“Would it help if Spock karate chopped whoever did it? Dammit, Jim, you're not laughing, and it's starting to cramp my style.” Bones frowns and sits down on the concrete next to him. 

“Yeah, well, I'll just leave you all to it, then,” Scotty says, turning back towards the theater. “Tears for Fears,” he says to Spock quietly. 

“I do not understand,” Spock replies. “No one present is crying or afraid.”

“It's a _band_ , dude,” Scotty says. “Sometimes Jim just needs to listen to emotional music and dance so badly he breaks a lamp. Trust me, it's happened many times. I have very few lamps.” Then he walks towards the theater, and Spock looks after him in confusion. Then he sits down on the ground next to Jim and Bones, who is now humming quietly and acting like Jim isn't there.

“Your friend seems to think you would benefit from destroying lamps and listening to Tears for Fears, which, apparently, is a band.”

“Spock, you love Tears for Fears. Shut up.” Jim's eyes are too bright and for a moment Spock's world is crooked. He immediately starts to run through the charges and names of all the polyatomic ions, starting with phosphate. Phosphate: PO4, charge of...of? Negative 2? He tries to speak, but finds it difficult.

“I do not...”

“Everybody Wants to Rule the World.” Jim blinks hard, clears his throat, and then shakes off that look that was making Spock feel like his atoms were being forcibly separated.

“Oh. I suppose I am quite fond of their use of synthesizers.”

“Yeah.” Jim stands up, then holds out a hand to Spock. He hesitates for a second before he takes it, letting Jim pull him up, when all he wants to do is absolutely _not_ pull Jim down and do something as illogical as _hugging him_ because that is ridiculous and...and it's absolutely what he wants to do, but he doesn't.

“Are we doing something now?” Bones asks, looking up from his sprawl on the pavement. 

“Get up.”

“Make me,” Bones grumbles. “Don't _I_ get to hold your hand?” It is at this moment that Jim and Spock simultaneously realize that neither of them has let go of the other's hand and immediately let go. Spock just sort of stiffens and tries to play it off as aloofness, and Jim notices him doing it and just grins. 

“Are you _jealous_?” he asks, grabbing Bones by both hands and pulling him off the ground.

“Not in the slightest,” Bones replies. “Honestly, I'm surprised they're not painting “Pretty Boy McCoy” on my locker.”

“I am confused,” Spock says as they get in the car. “Is this what Scotty was referring to? Are we 'owning it?'”

“ _I'm_ owning it,” Bones answers. “Jim always had it.”

“Shut _up_.”

 

…

_bright and early for the daily races_

_going nowhere_

_..._


	33. Up Where We Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jim is very upset but everything can be fixed with a trip to value village  
> PS i am having some writer's block/issues with how to progress the relationship more  
> if anyone has any ideas they should comment because THAT WOULD BE HELPFULLLL

Spock is trying pretty hard to make Jim feel better, and it's so hilarious that Jim's almost letting him. They look like idiots, and Bones is wearing a ridiculous pair of sunglasses while he pushes Jim in the cart through the local Value Village.

“Nurse, the patient needs to buy these items immediately. He cannot survive another day without a record of “Living with Christ” by The Johnson Family Band,” he says urgently to Spock, placing the record in Jim's lap. Spock is standing in the corner, holding a lamp and looking afraid.

“Can we just _go_ ,” Jim says, but he's sort of laughing. “My car still--”

“STOP, DROP, AND PUT THIS ON,” Bones shouts, throwing a Hawaiian shirt over Jim's head. “EMERGENCY.”

“What...” Spock hurries over to them, as the employees are starting to give him some very annoyed looks.

“Bones gets weird about thrift,” Jim explains.

They end up at the diner. They haven't actually _bought_ anything, much to the consternation of the Value Village employees, but now there are fries and Jim is feeling much better.

“I hate _so many people_ ,” he sighs, staring soulfully into his milkshake. “School sucks.”

“Hatred is perhaps too strong of a sentiment,” Spock says quietly.

“Is 'despise' a better word? Maybe 'loathe,' or 'abhor,' or--”

“You really _didn't_ need help studying for the vocabulary test,” Spock says suddenly, looking at Jim intensely. “Why did you say so?” Jim blushes.

“Um... Because you're cool...” Spock rolls his eyes. Bones looks on in pride. “...and you were cute and I didn't know that many people and I thought I'd need an excuse.”

“Cute,” Spock says. “ _Cute._ ” He is suddenly indignant and also overjoyed and also _science_. _Covalent bonds. Lewis structures. Jim thought he was cute. COULOMB'S LAW._ “Hm.” he says, because that's a normal thing to say.

“Don't be weird about it. We're all very attractive individuals,” Jim says, blushing harder.

“Of course,” Spock says, but he's definitely being weird about it.

 

…

_the road is long, there are mountains in our way_

...


	34. Kiss On My List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMOOCHING HAPPENS

 “You should come to the soccer game.” Spock says it very casually. Jim gives him a look.

“When do I _not_ come to your soccer games? Such an accusation! I love soccer! Your teammates were so helpful with jumpstarting the 'fagmobile' that one time.” Jim frowns. “Also it's raining. Do I have to go?” Spock looks at him for a while.

“Please?” he says slowly, testing the word out. It feels kind of weird. He ususally just makes statements and leaves it to the listener to logically conclude that Spock needs something. 'Please,' to someone that isn't his mom, at an occasion that isn't the dinner table when the salt is too far away, is weird. Perhaps Spock should have said 'Would you mind,' as he usually does. Jim is wide eyed and looks impressed.

“Well, if you so greatly desire my presence, I'll be there,” Jim replies. “Why? Is it a big deal?” Spock nods seriously. Spock kind of wants to find some way to inform Jim of his realization that he is, in fact, 'Elton John gay' as Jim would say. He has been wanting to tell _someone_ for a while, but telling Christine might just be cruel, and Nyota already knows... Bones would probably say something like “Good for you, but why do you think _I_ need to know? Go tell Jim or something” which is, coincidentally, exactly what Bones said to Spock when Spock told him that Janice was no longer interested in Jim. It was also what Spock had said to Janice when she had told him, though in different terms.

The game is difficult. They are playing Jim's old school—which always seems to happen when Jim comes to any sort of game—and Spock manages to bounce the ball off of the goaley's face and into the goal. Though the back of the goaley's jersey says 'Finnegan', Spock will forever deny that he did so on purpose.

He's walking back to the parking lot to find Jim, who has somehow mysteriously disappeared from the bleachers, when he hears it.

“Bones, I'm having an issue. He just...he looks so good...”

“Jesus Christ, Jim, can we please not talk about your desire for wet men for like, five seconds?”

“SHUT UP OH MY GOD. But like, really. Did you see the way he hit Finnegan in the face? I'm strangely extremely attracted to him right now and he's not even here.” Spock doesn't really know what's happening anymore. He's standing just in front of the bleachers, where he can hear any possible hushed conversations from _under_ the bleachers, with his soccer bag over one shoulder, and the other hand paused in midair on the verge of running through his hair. He is as frozen as he would be if he'd been sprayed full in the face with liquid nitrogen. He is beginning to think he may never move again. Then...

“Jim?” he calls, making sure to be loud enough to seem like he doesn't know exactly where Jim is at the moment.

“Oh, hi,” Jim says, strolling casually out from behind the bleachers. “Hey. What's going on. Great game. You won, right?”

“Yes,” Spock replies. “We won.”

“Can I just say,” Jim starts, after they've made the slow and muddy trek to the car, “that you look amazing in that whole...like...sporty getup. Like. It's a good look. NOT LIKE I'M COMING ON TO YOU OR ANYTHING. Because I'm not. But. You know. Like. If we weren't friends. Then. I don't know. Maybe. No, actually, because--”

It’s raining and Jim is babbling and smiling and it’s just too perfect for a moment, and that’s when Spock kisses him. At first he pulls back, guilty, still unsure if it’s what Jim actually wants—but then Jim’s hands are fisted in his jersey and they’re kissing _in the middle of the parking lot_ and _anyone_ could see them… It’s not exactly advisable or safe but it’s also _ridiculously miraculously_ absolutely _perfect_ and he’s got no idea why but suddenly he’s thinking about the ultraviolet catastrophe again, because Jim _is_ the ultraviolet catastrophe—he is an energy, a frequency that escalates, creating heat on the inside until Spock is glowing from his own light, until anyone who looks at them is sure to have their eyes permanently damaged by their radiance. Finally Jim pulls back, and Spock realizes he’s gripping the collar of Jim’s jacket and reluctantly lets go.

“So,” Jim says, looking somewhat dazed, grinning as he runs a hand through his hair. “Um. You’re—wow.”

“Indeed,” Spock replies, glancing at the ground, feeling suddenly shy.

“Okay,” Jim says, biting his lip, and Spock is struck by his inability to speak.

 

…

_I'm just better off not listening to friends' advice_

_when they insist on knowing my bliss_

_..._


	35. Chains of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so they're like...a thing. and stuff. yeah. i would write slash, if i could write slash, but my first attempt at slash was so bad that i really don't want to go there until i've had more practice.

At first nothing changes. They drive to school. They park. They look at each other for a little while, and Spock does his best to seduce Jim with his eyes, and then Jim blushes again and Spock just smirks and opens the door. They walk to class and it's just like it usually is only there's something more between them, that sort of 'we kind of almost made out, but like we're not talking about it yet' kind of thing that Jim is actually quite familiar with. It would be nerve wracking if Spock wasn't very obviously hitting on him all the time. Well...it's not exactly _obvious._ It's obvious because it's _Spock._

Obvious for Spock is making obviously complimentary comments in English class, using evidence from the text, in a way that makes it seem like he's just commenting on the material to everyone else but which makes Jim extremely uncomfortably happy. Like, that-time-they-watched- _A-Streetcar-Named-Desire-_ in-class-happy. Like, shirtless Marlon Brando happy. And then Jim is blushing in front of the entire class and no one seems to notice but Spock's giving him this intense look and his eyes are all dark and sexy and Jim is just like 'nooooooo' and sinks down in his chair in absolute dejected misery.

Then they're at the lunch table and they're sitting together way closer than usual, and then Jim thinks of something hilarious and they're sort of in their own little bubble and before Jim realizes it they're at the point where they're sharing lustful glances from across a slice of pizza.

It gets a little awkward as the month goes on, because people thought they were a couple before, and now that they kind of _are_ people aren't even bothering to hide the fact that they aren't cool with it. Fortunately, ever since the incident when Spock beat the tar out of that one guy, people don't say anything to their faces...it's mostly just glaring. After school, while Spock's at soccer practice, Jim's in the car doing his homework, and as soon as soccer is over they drive home. Sometimes they park at various secluded areas and do stuff. Once, Spock skipped soccer practice.

He actually _skipped_ an activity that he was _supposed to do,_ and they spent an hour at the abandoned house. Jim was fairly sure it was the best hour of his life, even though they didn't know what they were doing, even though he ended up with a really annoying splinter in his hand. Even though everyone at school  _sort of_ knows, no one really  _knows_ , and Nyota's still giving him those looks that say "you are the biggest dork I have ever seen" while she's got Christine sitting on her lap pretty much whenever possible. 

Jim sort of wants to tell people. Like, not  _tell_ people exactly, but he can't imagine how great it'd be to walk down the hall with his arm around the person he cares about the way Bones walks with his arm around Janice's waist. It would just be great to be able to act like they are actually  _together._

 

…

_how can I explain, when there are few words I can choose_

_..._


	36. Ask The Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YESSSS I HAVE FINISHED THIS. IT IS DONE.  
> ALSO if you want more spirk with song titles and a background track, I am now writing another thing. Yeah.

 They walk down the hall and Jim is wearing Spock's letterman jacket with that unpronounceable last name on the back and everyone fucking knows and Jim wants to throw up but also he wants to flip everyone off while blasting rock and roll and just generally being in a homosexual relationship.

“I will never understand your predilection for outerwear that is not your own,” Spock says, blushing a bit, and Jim just _lives_ for that, for seeing Spock all embarrassed and flushed and now Jim is thinking about things that are definitely not school-appropriate so he just shoves his hands into his pockets and grins like the world is made of sunshine and rainbows.

Then the doors open and the sun floods the hall. Jim thrusts a single fist in the air, then turns to Spock, triumphant.

“Next year we're going to _own_ this school,” he says, smiling.

“That is illogical. As is your assumption that our classmates' view of our relationship will change over a period of two months.” But Jim can tell that there's a smile somewhere in there, even if he can't see it.

The tide of students surges past them, and everyone's rushing to their cars to get to Bones' 'it's fucking summer' party. Jim sees all their friends out there waiting in the sunlight, and he just can't help it; he grabs the front of Spock's t shirt and kisses him in front of the entire school. There are some glares, and a few expressions of general discomfort, but Jim doesn't care. And that's when Spock _smiles._ Like, for real. LIKE AN ACTUAL FACIAL EXPRESSION. It's disconcerting and absolutely beautiful.

 

…

_you've been thinking it's over_

_what's that chip on your shoulder?_

_outside were solid rainbows_

_inside is where the heart grows_

_picking up the pieces_

_something more to believe in_

...

_nothing comes easy...hang on, ask the lonely_

_..._

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
